Remarkable Stupidity

I had a fight with my pants yesterday.

Yes, pants.

I was at work, throwing away things that get shipped with games up to our office that we don’t use/can’t ship back because they don’t have a high enough dollar value. Most of these things have to toss in with my arms WAY up above my head, as dumpsters are highly discriminatory against the short. (See what I did there? Highly? Short? Har har!)

One of the items tossed yesterday was a coin hopper, which is a bucket with various metal mechanisms along the bottom, and a rather long metal arm coming out of the top with coin verification on it. I grabbed it by its long metal arm, and in a show of remarkable stupidity, lifted it above my head, with the bottom part behind me. I leaned back to get the maximum thrust to toss this thing up and into the dumpster, and while the hopper ended up where it was supposed to, something on the bottom also managed to scrape my leg. I didn’t think much of it as I’m pretty much the Queen of Unintentional Self-Injury until I noticed a breeze only hitting one thigh. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had managed to slice my pants up the back of my thigh. My favorite jeans, no less!

I promptly scuttled back to my office and plopped down in my chair, and refused to move until everyone else was gone. “Melissa, want to come outside and stand in the sunshine with me for a few minutes?” “Oh, not today, I think I’m good here!” “Melissa, do you want to get some lunch with me?” “I’m not hungry today, thanks!”

Luckily for me, they’ve recently opened up a Kohl’s store in my area, so I was able to grab another pair of the exact same jeans, which is not only good because that means I don’t have to try anything on and can be in and out of the store in five minutes, but great because Gloria Vanderbilt jeans do wonderful things for my lower half and I’d be sad to have to try and find another brand/style that does the same things.

Gloria Vanderbilt, you love my rear end. And I love you. Let’s never fight again.

11 Comments Remarkable Stupidity

  1. uncledisgusting April 6, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    i went through a phase of going commando, and had a pair of pants split right … there.

    thankfully i managed to get out to the car, where i had a spare set. i have no idea why there was a change of clothes in the car but boy was i grateful.

    1. admin April 6, 2007 at 5:19 pm

      HAHA! Did that stop the commando phase, right then and there?

      When I used to work retail, I’d have changes of clothes in my trunk all the time. When I finally cleaned out the car in November, I found clothes in there I hadn’t seen for a few years. ๐Ÿ˜

  2. shadowstitch April 6, 2007 at 6:19 pm

    The important thing is not that you fought the pants, but that you won.

    1. admin April 6, 2007 at 6:26 pm

      It’ll be a cold day in hell before I lose to an inanimate object made of cloth! Inanimate objects of stone, metal, and kryptonite I am more powerless against.

  3. pdxmlb April 6, 2007 at 4:38 pm

    I wear the GV jeans too! The petite size is the perfect length since I am short, and also they make my ass look great!

    I had a “wardrobe malfunction” involving those jeans at christmas time, when I was at the bar with all of our friends. It was hella embarrassing. But that’s what happens when your right leg swells from being on a plane for 12 hours!

    1. admin April 6, 2007 at 5:16 pm

      12 hours? Were you flying to Russia? ๐Ÿ˜‰

      They actually had my size in ‘short’ last night. And they were on sale! I picked up a pair in beige, black, and dark blue for less than $20 apiece.

      My ass looks fantastic today. I hereby volunteer myself to be Gloria’s 5th husband.

      1. pdxmlb April 6, 2007 at 7:53 pm

        Oh the plane got lost. Friggin America West. Then I went to the hospital that night of suspected something-or-other that included a blood clot in my right leg. Fun!

        They are on sale!?!?! I know what I’ll be doing tonight!

        1. admin April 6, 2007 at 10:23 pm

          The plane got LOST? There’s a reason America West is referred to as America Worst. ๐Ÿ˜‰

          1. pdxmlb April 6, 2007 at 11:32 pm

            Oh yeah, we know that now!

            Yeah the plane got lost. We got on, fell asleep, and woke up 7 hours later. That leg of the flight was only supposed to take 4 hours. Then they lost our luggage, and I got the flu. That was my Christmas. Fun!

  4. mewelke April 8, 2007 at 7:41 am

    Sometimes you have to show your opponent who is boss…even if your oppenent is pants. I understand this, particularly as I am forced to wear the non normal interview pants.

    1. admin April 9, 2007 at 5:33 pm

      ooh, you have interviews coming up? Good luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

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