Recently, Nicki sent me a link to dress your wedding, and this picture:
“See that one on the left with short black hair?” she intimated. “That’s you.” I was thrown off for a few moments, because (a)hadn’t I already announced ‘No More Weddings’? and (b)was there something that she’d been neglecting to tell me? The answers to these questions were: too damn bad, and no, respectively; she was bored and was having fun playing with this.
Well, I am not one to be outdone. So I quickly whipped up some Goth Prom action. “See that one with the short brown hair? That’s you!” I crowed.
“Who’s the ring bearer?” Nicki wanted to know. “That’s not really a ring bearer in the strictest sense…it’s a midget. Gidget ‘Pepito’ the Midget.” We joked about it for a while longer, and then yesterday, she sent me a message saying that her friend liked my midget, and a link to the picture of HER wedding plans. “You know why this is so much fun right? All it is, is Barbies for big girls.”
I was never a kid that played with Barbies normally. They pretty much lived in a Barbie nudist colony and had tiny plastic orgies and then settled down to live in shoebox trailers and raise their bastard children dressed in scraps of t-shirts while chainsmoking. All this time, I had Britney Spears Barbie and didn’t even realize it! So if I was going to play dress-up with this thing, I was bound and determined to do it RIGHT and make it look like it would actually look, should I ever get married:
Now THAT is more like it. Not pictured here is Fat Elvis, our minister.
I had so much fun with this, I think the rest of you should do it, too. Take the tools the internet has so handily given to us and abuse them horribly. Create the greatest monstrosity known to man. Create the funniest thing you can think of. If you want the bridal party to be like the spectrum of the rainbow, go for it. If the given tools aren’t enough because you want everyone in candy pink standing in a post-apocalyptic underworld, screencap it and stick it in photoshop or paint or whatever you’ve got handy and go nuts. Just make sure to post it here, because I want to see it. Oh, how I want to see it.
I AM DOWN FOR THIS GAME
Do I seriously have to give David’s Bridal all of my personal information? LAME.
I’m pretty sure you don’t have to given them even so much as a valid email address-I just entered in a bunch of crap and told them not to contact me ever, about anything.
I am now going to HAVE to show up dressed as a black power ranger for a wedding. Hell, maybe my own.
“What? This is formal. It’s black!.
Maybe add a black bow tie, and then ou’re properly attired for ANY black tie event, from weddings to Presidential dinners, no?
I was totally thrown by the Yellow Ranger because for a split second, I was like, “WAIT, ISN’T THE YELLOW RANGER ALWAYS FEMALE?”
You totally know s/he stuffs it. I would be embarrassed.
OMG I didn’t even notice that–in my mind the only girl power ranger was the pink one with the wee skirt; now I’m intrigued! Maybe I’m lucky enough to have a hermaphrodite in my wedding in addition to a midget!
obviously, the last one is the bestest.
Now, where’s yours? 😀
when i get home i will make one!!
YES!
If you promise to make your actual wedding like this, I will totally be flying out from Pennsylvania to see it.
I SINCERELY doubt I will ever get married, but if I do, it will definitely be a spectacle to behold.
I really get the impression that those boots were directly influenced by that piece of trash that would make Satan weep, Jackie.
I feel that your wedding should be held at a leather bar. I mean, dressed like that I know I am going to want to smack some people around and possibly get involved in an orgy type situation.
God vomited, and there was my wedding.
That should be on the invitations!
Excellent idea!
I AM THE QUEEN OF NARNIA!!!!
Re: I AM THE QUEEN OF NARNIA!!!!
Have you killed Aslan yet?
Re: I AM THE QUEEN OF NARNIA!!!!
don’t kill me!
Re: I AM THE QUEEN OF NARNIA!!!!
I’ll protect you, Ginger Lion!
Wait, hang on… Are those GREMLINS in your hands or what?
/confusion
Obviously you’ve never seen anyone throwing the horns before, semi-discreetly. What a sad, sad life you live.
dude, I figured those were the horns, but you can clearly see that they resemble the gremlin.
I mean, I have a point.
Yabbut if you’d have read my mission statement, you’d know the gremlins are not involved until the reception, when they pop out of the cake. GOSH.
Holy crap I’m sad I haven’t been checking LJ more often. You must made the day suck considerably less.
Er, that was supposed to be ‘you have just made the day suck considerably less’.
I am, as they say, fucking exhausted.
That’s pretty much the mission statement of my blog–‘posting pointless crap to make days suck less since 2004’ 😀