It’s like….fabio in a fursuit? *retch*

Yesterday, I opened my mailbox and found this:

GOD, NO. Why would you do this to me, people of the science fiction book club? Why would you send me mail with a scandalous cover that implies that perhaps I’m into skanky werewolf sex like some sort of goddamn sci-fi FURRY? Why would you put this ‘art’ on the cover, through the mail, for my klepto mailman and in FULL VIEW OF THE NEIGHBORS? This could well ruin my political career! NO ONE IS GOING TO VOTE FOR A SCI-FI FURRY.

Which I’m not.

I’M NOT.

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OH GOD THIS IS ALMOST WORSE. Don’t call me ‘changeling’. I’m not a ROLEPLAYING sci-fi furry. I don’t put on capes and costumes and howl at the moon! Why did you do this to me, science fiction book club? WHY? What made you think that this was a swell idea, that I would respond to this sort of thing in a favorable manner?

BECAUSE I WON’T.

NO.

The one thing we *have* learned from this is that my klepto mailman is clearly ALSO not a sci-fi furry or this would’ve disappeared as well, just like matadin‘s cthulhumas package.

The politics of failure have failed! We must make them work again!

I’ve also discovered that this post fits right in with ‘Lupercalia’ which is what the Christians transformed into Valentine’s Day–a festival about werewolves, blood, and fucking. So….uh. …yay appropriateness?

38 Comments It’s like….fabio in a fursuit? *retch*

  1. scearley February 14, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    Presumably a postage-paid return envelope was also included. I suggest a big steaming dump. Postage paid.

    1. admin February 14, 2008 at 6:39 pm

      Just a postcard, sadly. ๐Ÿ™

      1. scearley February 14, 2008 at 6:43 pm

        If the postcard is postage-paid, you can possibly get away with gluing it to the front of a package in place of an address label. That used to work; I haven’t tried it in a decade at least, though.

        1. admin February 14, 2008 at 6:47 pm

          I believe you can also send things without postage to the proper address if you put the address you’re mailing it to as the return address instead of the mailing address. Obviously this trick shouldn’t be used for important things.

          1. scearley February 14, 2008 at 7:14 pm

            I’ve tried that with mixed results. Supposedly writing “for the blind” gets you free postage but I’ve never tried it and I’m really skeptical.

          2. admin February 14, 2008 at 7:50 pm

            Well, my grandpa is blind–maybe I should send something to him and see if it goes through. ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. pretzelcoatl February 14, 2008 at 6:58 pm

    “I shoot the darkness!”

    Sadly, your package was consumed by a more fiendish being: Work Deadline. Around X-mas, I had to clear up my apartment and that meant I put the unassembled packages together in my closet and then forgot about them for our release deadline. I was hoping to work on them tonight, however.

    On the plus side, I’ve at least been collecting good Cthulumas songs for your CD. Also, I found a magnetic pirate kit at a store in Madison and thought of you. Bonus: The pirate looks kinda like Johnny Depp, but not like Captain Jack so it’s not a total ripoff.

    1. admin February 14, 2008 at 7:49 pm

      Ah, ok! No worries! ๐Ÿ™‚ That was one of the more recent examples I could think of. There’s plenty of crap that’s gone legitimately missing from my mailbox.

  3. strand February 14, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    You may not be a roleplaying furry, but I’m sure that enough of the demographic (scifi book club) is to make this very profitable for them.

    1. admin February 14, 2008 at 7:51 pm

      I just want to know how I got fingered as being part of their demographic.

      1. scearley February 14, 2008 at 7:59 pm

        Not knowing who fingered you can be frustrating, for sure.

        1. admin February 14, 2008 at 8:01 pm

          It’s like closing my eyes and walking through Neighbors up in here!

      2. strand February 14, 2008 at 8:04 pm

        When they came fore roleplaying furries, I did not speak up because I was not a roleplaying furry.

        1. scearley February 14, 2008 at 8:10 pm

          I didn’t speak up because I thought “Thank Christ, someone’s come for the roleplaying furries.”

          1. admin February 14, 2008 at 8:11 pm

            My thoughts exactly!

        2. admin February 14, 2008 at 8:11 pm

          Nothing on this earth could make me stand up for roleplaying furries.

          1. strand February 14, 2008 at 8:15 pm

            Fair enough.

            But remember, that they’re part of this wonderful world we call the internet. A freaky part I want nothing to do with.

          2. admin February 14, 2008 at 8:28 pm

            They do have their place on the internet. That place is UNDER the internet truck.

          3. strand February 14, 2008 at 8:53 pm

            The internet is not a truck!

            Series of tubes!

          4. admin February 14, 2008 at 10:36 pm

            That’s what a politician said, and you know everything that comes out of politicians’ mouths is wrong.

            It is SO a truck.

          5. strand February 14, 2008 at 10:46 pm

            You’re running for office, and therefore a politician. According to you all politicians are liars. Aggh. Paradox! Universe explodes!

          6. admin February 15, 2008 at 12:06 am

            How did you think I became a destroyer of worlds? Cream puffs?sheesh.

          7. strand February 15, 2008 at 12:09 am

            Speaking of cream puffs… Are you coming to Pho It — It’s Phriday tomorrow?

          8. admin February 15, 2008 at 11:39 pm

            No, I already have plans–it’s a friend’s housewarming party tonight. Some other Phriday though!

  4. loosechanj February 14, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    The one thing we *have* learned from this is that my klepto mailman is clearly ALSO not a sci-fi furry or this would’ve disappeared as well, just like matadin’s cthulhumas package.

    Because clearly you are the only person this was mailed to. ๐Ÿ˜›

    1. admin February 14, 2008 at 7:48 pm

      Yabbut if you were a sci-fi furry klepto mailman and you had the option of taking one or wallpapering your room with these things, what would YOU do?

  5. wakare February 14, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    “I’m not a ROLEPLAYING sci-fi furry.”

    Shit, good thing I haven’t mailed out your v-day present yet!

    1. admin February 14, 2008 at 10:38 pm

      Doubly lucky because I would’ve needed to trek to california to kick your ass

      …in Mortal Kombat again.

  6. shadowstitch February 14, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    But, but… FREE PEWTER DRAGON FIGURINE.

    1. admin February 14, 2008 at 10:43 pm

      Pewter dragon figurine? *pfft* You can’t have sex with that.

      1. shadowstitch February 14, 2008 at 10:44 pm

        …You can if you do it right wrong!

        1. admin February 14, 2008 at 10:45 pm

          …ow.

          Just ow.

  7. gray_jedi February 15, 2008 at 3:08 am

    Awesome. I got the same mailer.

    Have you signed up for and/or purchased anything especially nerdy lately? I’ve bought stuff from Xtreme Geek and J-List, and T and I signed up for a mess of catalogs for fun a while back (Knight’s Edge, Sharper Image, etc). So we’re on every nerd mailing list…

    As a side note, there are FOUR (4) versions of my name floating around the junk mail world. So it’s fun to see the spelling on the credit card offers – “Oh look, my health insurance company sold my data to these people!”

    1. admin February 15, 2008 at 11:42 pm

      Can your insurance company DO that? Bastards!

      hmmm. I subscribed to ‘Wired’ about a year ago. Other than that, I haven’t been rocking the nerd vibe too hard. HMMM.

      Y’know what catalog is totally fun and totally awful and totally wrong? The pyramid collection. Where else can you get vinyl ballgowns, assorted ‘faerie’ shit and enough pewter to give you pewer-poisoning, all in one shot?

  8. designess February 15, 2008 at 3:48 am

    Ahh Lupercalia – where you get to spank maidens and wear fur…
    Christians ruin EVERYTHING!!

    1. admin February 15, 2008 at 11:43 pm

      If it wasn’t the christians, I’m sure PETA would’ve gotten involved, chanting ‘LUPERCALIA IS MURDER’ and throwing red paint on celebrants.

      Who will spank the maidens now? ๐Ÿ™

  9. smacksaw February 15, 2008 at 7:59 am

    You know that old joke about the Jewish Dilemma – Free ham?

    The Mellzah Dilemma – Robo Furries and Anthropomorphic Pirate Animals

    1. admin February 15, 2008 at 11:44 pm

      Robo furries? Are you talking like…the country bears or that chuck e. cheese robot animal band? I am SURE I can withstand those particular ‘charms’.

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