My mom bought me this tiger-striped trainwreck when I was sixteen. In case you cannot tell, it’s fuzzy. It also came with a matching fuzzy miniskirt. It is unquestionably trashy, right? (Yeah, yeah, the poor fit adds to the trashiness but the muffin top is not the issue, dude.)
Yesterday, my mom called and asked what I wore to my white trash party. When I told her, she got really, really offended. “I didn’t think it was trashy. Not with that cute skirt!”
So, all along, my mom was styling me to be a high-class hooker.
Good parents know to aim low when having expectations of their kids so they can be pleasantly surprised with anything better. The kid down the block from me, his Dad groomed him to be a Football Star; he now works part-time at a bike shop and crashes on his not-girlfriend’s couch while he waits for his Band to get a solid gig. He can’t look his old man in the face. But ME, all my Dad wanted is for me to not be Jewish. So far, so good! And i stay in the Will!
I figure as long as my little brother keeps fucking up, it doesn’t matter what I do–I’ll look like a superstar by comparison. You mean I don’t get high all day and deliver pizza part-time? I pay for my own rent, phone, insurance? BEST. DAUGHTER. EVER.
I’ll adopt you. (nevermind that you’re older than me. also, that you’re…you know… not in need of parents. also, that i’m broke)
Does this make me a third Jewish on my adopted mother’s side?
Congratulations! you’re a minority!
Nope. If your mother’s vagina is jewish. . .
http://www.thinkatheist.com/profiles/blogs/bill-nye-bood-in-texas-for
For lolz.
Because I love you.
I love Bill Nye the Science Guy!
Oh, man, NEVER do a clothing gift follow-up with the parents. My mom has gotten me so many clothes that i never wear. She just doesn’t get it. She can’t get it.
My options at that point were to tell her what I wore or lie to my mom. I’m not going to say that I haven’t ever lied to my mom–there’s no need for her to know about (a)my referrals in high school or (b)the classes I was failing at midterms when I always managed to bring up my grades by the end of the quarter or (c)my court date for my expired tabs or any number of other things. But I honestly had no idea she was going to be upset over a fuzzy tiger-striped jacket!
I hope this means she’ll stop buying me clothes, though, because I am starting to build up quite the collection of things I’m never going to wear. Like the ‘Alcatraz Psycho Ward’ t-shirt she gave to me a couple of Christmases ago–what was she thinking?
Oh! I shouldn’t read your journal while drinking [anything]. It’s rough on my nose and hazardous to my laptop.
In the interest of honesty, I should inform you that I am a shill for the beverage, facial tissue, and laptop industries.
That’s totally trashy, maybe not so much when you were 16, but now it’s like…you just came back from working Aurora
Equally trashy when I was 16. I was 16 in the 90s, not in the 80s.
haha ya you’d want something more grunge…that’s way too bright, I bet you got a lot of swirlies ya? :p
I don’t think I ever wore it until now. I’d been saving it all these years for just such a special occasion!
That’s so sad, really. Maybe it’s time to just gently tell her you can’t or won’t wear anything she picks out, and to just save her cash. Or send it to you instead of the crazyass clothing.
She has pretty much given up on clothes. Sometimes she does get things *exactly right*, but it’s either that or ‘what the fuck was she thinking?!?’, with no middle ground.
Awwww. Mommy cares.
It’s a job with security in this day and age! Few benefits, though…
i’d totally wear it.
that said, my mom also tries to buy me clothes regularly and 98% of them i will never wear. i don’t know why people do that.
You can have it, if you’d like, though I imagine it will be far too big on you.