My last couple of days at the haunt went really well, though on the next to last night, a truck rolled over on Maple Valley Highway RIGHT in front of the park, took out the lighted “Haunted house here!” sign, and boned up traffic for hours, so it was a VERY light night for both volunteers and customers. I ended up sticking around until the end and shot the shit with everyone about bad movies, and the lead artist told me about some of the disasterpieces he’d worked on, and some of the ridiculous offers he’d gotten from people who expected him to work for nothing. I mentioned some of the trouble I’d had with prosthetics so far, and he remembered and brought me THE book on prosthetics to look over, saying that the only place it (and every book on the subject thus far) was lacking was information on sculpting. I suppose because it moves into the realm of the subjective instead of the technical, it’s hard to teach, because there isn’t one RIGHT way to sculpt a nose, etc, but the topic should at least be given more than a paragraph out of an entire book, because otherwise the beginner doesn’t really know how to move past lifecasting. The three of us exchanged contact info, and I definitely plan to keep in touch.
The last night might as well have been called ‘Confessional’. One teenage girl confided in me about how much she desperately liked her friend’s brother but she was afraid that he didn’t know she was alive, even though he had seen her in a short dress! One little girl sat in my chair and gravely informed me that a looong time ago, when she was really little, she used to pick her nose and then eat it, but that she doesn’t do it anymore, unless she forgets and catches herself doing it, but that hardly ever happens.
And Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson was SHAMELESS. MJ: “So, I was wondering, when a guy takes a girl out on a date, how many of them do you think want to just get up and leave when she goes to the bathroom?” Mellzah: “Hmm. I think that depends on how the date is going, and if it’s a group date, because when girls go into the bathroom together, it can be a while and I could see losing patience and wanting to go.” MJ: “Well, when I take YOU on a date, you had better not bring your friends!” Mellzah: “ONE, I don’t plan on going to jail any time soon. Two, you could NOT afford me.” MJ: “What if I get a job?…Don’t you think I’m going to be the sexiest zombie out there tonight?”
ಠ_ಠ
Let’s just reiterate that for a second. A twelve year old. Was hoping I’d find him sexy.
Excuse me while I go die.
Sexy Zombies.
Re: Sexy Zombies.
NO. NO. NO.
Re: Sexy Zombies.
NO. NO. NO.
Sexy Zombies.
It’s amazing what people will tell complete strangers, no matter what their age. Does that happen to you a lot, the confessions? I seem to attract them fairly often, it’s alternately amusing and disturbing.
Wow, a 12 year old?! Damn. Well, he gave it a shot. LOL
He is more brave than some adults I’ve known, I’ll give him that.
Strangers do tend to confide in me fairly often, I suppose my freak magnet makes me extra approachable!
He is more brave than some adults I’ve known, I’ll give him that.
Strangers do tend to confide in me fairly often, I suppose my freak magnet makes me extra approachable!
My Mom and I both have “Tell me alllll your dirty secrets” emblazoned on our foreheads, given the numbers of people who have done just that. When we had our travel agency, OY!
One guy confessed to her that he was carrying on a torrid affair with his sister-in-law, then on a later visit, he whipped out a letter she’d written to him and started to read it out loud. It was … graphic. Mom stopped him, although it took some effort on her part to get him to shut up and leave. Ugh!
I could share even freakier stories. People are WEIRD.
You go right ahead and tell me EVERYTHING.
You asked for it!
Another old dude was one of Mom’s first regular clients. He first came in shortly after his wife of many years had died, and he would buy tickets to go see his kids in CA. They would talk, and he would sometimes sit at her desk and cry and grieve, which I guess isn’t so weird, but damn, he barely knew my Mom!
Eventually dude got a girlfriend, and they decided to take a weekend trip to Reno. He hemmed and hawed about whether they should get one bed or two in the hotel room, and what was her opinion on that? She just told him she’d request two beds, and they could make a game day decision on who slept where.
Right, so when you buy a package trip like that, you pay up front, but you don’t get your tickets until a couple weeks before departure, standard procedure. Dude came in multiple times, discussing how he and the GF were doing, etc. etc. FINALLY the tickets arrived, and he came to get them. THEN he starts telling Mom how he’s concerned he won’t be able to “perform” if you know what I mean.
O.o Mom hustled him out as best she could, and was still laughing in shock and amazement when she encountered the realtor across the hall. George asked what was up, and she briefed him on dude’s revelation. George started laughing uproariously. “The guy who just left? I know that guy! And I know why he’s concerned he won’t be able to get it up!”
“Uh … I know I’m gonna regret this, but why?”
“He has a penile implant! It’s one of those inflatable ones, and apparently it malfunctions, but he’s too embarrassed to get it fixed!”
OH MY GAWD
DUDE, I FORGOT THE BEST PART!!!!
The guy’s first name was Dick. 😀
DUDE, I FORGOT THE BEST PART!!!!
The guy’s first name was Dick. 😀
OH MY GAWD
You asked for it!
Another old dude was one of Mom’s first regular clients. He first came in shortly after his wife of many years had died, and he would buy tickets to go see his kids in CA. They would talk, and he would sometimes sit at her desk and cry and grieve, which I guess isn’t so weird, but damn, he barely knew my Mom!
Eventually dude got a girlfriend, and they decided to take a weekend trip to Reno. He hemmed and hawed about whether they should get one bed or two in the hotel room, and what was her opinion on that? She just told him she’d request two beds, and they could make a game day decision on who slept where.
Right, so when you buy a package trip like that, you pay up front, but you don’t get your tickets until a couple weeks before departure, standard procedure. Dude came in multiple times, discussing how he and the GF were doing, etc. etc. FINALLY the tickets arrived, and he came to get them. THEN he starts telling Mom how he’s concerned he won’t be able to “perform” if you know what I mean.
O.o Mom hustled him out as best she could, and was still laughing in shock and amazement when she encountered the realtor across the hall. George asked what was up, and she briefed him on dude’s revelation. George started laughing uproariously. “The guy who just left? I know that guy! And I know why he’s concerned he won’t be able to get it up!”
“Uh … I know I’m gonna regret this, but why?”
“He has a penile implant! It’s one of those inflatable ones, and apparently it malfunctions, but he’s too embarrassed to get it fixed!”
You go right ahead and tell me EVERYTHING.
My Mom and I both have “Tell me alllll your dirty secrets” emblazoned on our foreheads, given the numbers of people who have done just that. When we had our travel agency, OY!
One guy confessed to her that he was carrying on a torrid affair with his sister-in-law, then on a later visit, he whipped out a letter she’d written to him and started to read it out loud. It was … graphic. Mom stopped him, although it took some effort on her part to get him to shut up and leave. Ugh!
I could share even freakier stories. People are WEIRD.
It’s amazing what people will tell complete strangers, no matter what their age. Does that happen to you a lot, the confessions? I seem to attract them fairly often, it’s alternately amusing and disturbing.
Wow, a 12 year old?! Damn. Well, he gave it a shot. LOL
neato and stuff
neato and stuff
ok, wait…is that the sexy, 12 year old, Michael Jackson in the blue flower robe?
lol! love that you got to be the keeper of the sins! when can I come visit and sit in your chair???
No, I don’t have any photos of Michael Jackson. This may or may not be the nosepicker.
No, I don’t have any photos of Michael Jackson. This may or may not be the nosepicker.
Also, I will make you up whenever you want. XD
Also, I will make you up whenever you want. XD
ok, wait…is that the sexy, 12 year old, Michael Jackson in the blue flower robe?
lol! love that you got to be the keeper of the sins! when can I come visit and sit in your chair???
LOLS!!!
That kid is gonna be TROUBLE when he gets older…I think maybe a riot when he’s 21. I shudder a lil though. I had an underage kid begging me to do the deed at a convention once. I was like “I’m OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOM! NOOOOOO.” and he said he liked older women so it was ok. UM NOT OK. LOL Kids are hilarious!
Re: LOLS!!!
He’s going to be SUPER trouble when he gets older!
Cmon, Kat! Just give me a little sugar! Just a taste! Please?
Re: LOLS!!!
SO WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG LOL 😛 AUGH!!!
Re: LOLS!!!
SO WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG LOL 😛 AUGH!!!
Re: LOLS!!!
He’s going to be SUPER trouble when he gets older!
Cmon, Kat! Just give me a little sugar! Just a taste! Please?
LOLS!!!
That kid is gonna be TROUBLE when he gets older…I think maybe a riot when he’s 21. I shudder a lil though. I had an underage kid begging me to do the deed at a convention once. I was like “I’m OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOM! NOOOOOO.” and he said he liked older women so it was ok. UM NOT OK. LOL Kids are hilarious!
Fun fact re: sexy zombies: One of my coworkers from when I was a trashy telemarketer went on to become a porn star who starred in Porn of the Dead.
If that doesn’t say something about reaching for the stars, I don’t know what does.
If that doesn’t say something about reaching for the stars, I don’t know what does.
Fun fact re: sexy zombies: One of my coworkers from when I was a trashy telemarketer went on to become a porn star who starred in Porn of the Dead.
“What if I get a job?” That line alone is making me piss myself laughing. The jail bait part doesn’t even faze him; it’s the fact that he doesn’t have a job.
I know! I had such a hard time not busting a gut but I didn’t want to encourage him!
I know! I had such a hard time not busting a gut but I didn’t want to encourage him!
“What if I get a job?” That line alone is making me piss myself laughing. The jail bait part doesn’t even faze him; it’s the fact that he doesn’t have a job.
Pfff he stole that from a Cleveland Show episode. And here I thought he was original.
Really?
I guess it’s better than him being a 12 year old letch. :\
Yeah, and the lines were spoken by a 5 year old character. D:
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. That show blows six different kinds of goats, too.
I put it on sometimes for some cheap lols but both that and Family Guy have been disappoint this season thus far.
Family Guy used to make me laugh but American Dad and The Cleveland Show have both been total flops for me, I don’t think either one has made me laugh once. 🙁
It’s possible I’m getting old and crotchety, though.
Family Guy used to make me laugh but American Dad and The Cleveland Show have both been total flops for me, I don’t think either one has made me laugh once. 🙁
It’s possible I’m getting old and crotchety, though.
I put it on sometimes for some cheap lols but both that and Family Guy have been disappoint this season thus far.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. That show blows six different kinds of goats, too.
Yeah, and the lines were spoken by a 5 year old character. D:
Really?
I guess it’s better than him being a 12 year old letch. :\
Pfff he stole that from a Cleveland Show episode. And here I thought he was original.