And you can’t piss on hospitality! I WON’T ALLOW IT!

Have you ever seen Troll 2? Widely recognized as one of the worst movies of all time, Troll 2 is the subject of a recent documentary, Best Worst Movie. Troll 2 was named as such to capitalize on the relative success of Troll; however, the movie contains precisely zero trolls, and is, in fact, about goblins. Awful, awful, vegetarian goblins from the town of Nilbog who are terrified of the cholesterol content in meat. However, it does have a memorable corn-on-the-cob sex scene, and a molotov cocktail-throwing grandpa from beyond the grave.

“Two decades later, the film’s now-grown-up child star (Michael Paul Stephenson) unravels the improbable, heartfelt story of the Alabama dentist-turned-cult movie icon and the Italian filmmaker who come to terms with this genuine, internationally revered cinematic failure.”

Best Worst Movie will be screening at the Central Cinema on June 18th, 9:30pm. Tickets are six bucks if you buy in advance and you can drink in the theater, plus cast & crew will be in attendance. Why wouldn’t you come?

After seeing that Troll 2 ranked #61 on the IMDB’s top 100 worst movies, I decided to check out how many of these cinematic masterpieces I’ve seen.

1. Night Train to Mundo Fine (1966) 2. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004) 3. Monster a-Go Go (1965) 4. The Skydivers (1963) 5. Daniel – Der Zauberer (2004) 6. Pocket Ninjas (1997) 7. The Starfighters (1964) 8. Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966) 9. Ben & Arthur (2002) 10. Zaat (1975) 11. The Final Sacrifice (1990) 12. Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag (2007) 13. Fat Slags (2004) 14. Kis Vuk (2008) 15. Emret komutanim: Sah mat (2007) 16. Zombie Nation (2004) 17. Track of the Moon Beast (1976) 18. Pledge This! (2006) 19. Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996) 20. Troppo belli (2005) 21. The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961) 22. From Justin to Kelly (2003) 23. Disaster Movie (2008) 24. The Hillz (2004) 25. Los nuevos extraterrestres (1983) 26. Hobgoblins (1988) 27. The Apocalypse (2007) 28. Zodiac Killer (2005) 29. The Maize: The Movie (2004) 30. The Wild World of Batwoman (1966) 31. Die Hard Dracula (1998) 32. Girl in Gold Boots (1968) 33. Stjerner uden hjerner (1997) 34. Who’s Your Caddy? (2007) 35. Furry Vengeance (2010) 36. Dis – en historie om kjærlighet (1995) 37. The Tony Blair Witch Project (2000) 38. Crossover (2006) 39. Yûsei ôji (1959) 40. Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam’in oglu (2006) 41. The Creeping Terror (1964) 42. Ator l’invincibile 2 (1984) 43. The Barbaric Beast of Boggy Creek, Part II (1985) 44. Keloglan kara prens’e karsi (2006) 45. The Hottie & the Nottie (2008) 46. Soultaker (1990) 47. Santa Claus (1959) 48. Popstar (2005) 49. Tangents (1994) 50. Going Overboard (1989) 51. L’uomo puma (1980) 52. Anne B. Real (2003) 53. Surf School (2006) 54. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964) 55. Space Mutiny (1988) 56. Miss Cast Away (2004) 57. House of the Dead (2003) 58. Eegah (1962) 59. Glitter (2001) 60. Feel the Noise (2007) 61. Troll 2 (1990) 62. Snowboard Academy (1996) 63. Son of the Mask (2005) 64. Car 54, Where Are You? (1994) 65. Santa with Muscles (1996) 66. Laserblast (1978) 67. Zeiten ändern Dich (2010) 68. Leonard Part 6 (1987) 69. Ein Toter hing im Netz (1960) 70. Chairman of the Board (1998) 71. Demon Island (2002) 72. 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998) 73. In the Mix (2005) 74. Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996) 75. American Ninja V (1993) 76. Epic Movie (2007) 77. Mitchell (1975) 78. Baby Geniuses (1999) 79. Nine Lives (2002) 80. Anus Magillicutty (2003) 81. Cool as Ice (1991) 82. Phat Girlz (2006) 83. Araf (2006) 84. Simon Sez (1999) 85. Alone in the Dark (2005) 86. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) 87. The Smokers (2000) 88. Love in Paris (1997) 89. Ed (1996) 90. Hababam sinifi 3,5 (2006) 91. Alien from L.A. (1988) 92. .com for Murder (2002) 93. Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000) 94. Levottomat 3 (2004) 95. Gigli (2003) 96. It’s Pat (1994) 97. Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010) 98. Daddy Day Camp (2007) 99. Kazaam (1996) 100. Meet the Spartans (2008)

That’s a pretty good start, and I think I should probably try to tackle the rest, but those baby genius movies may be the death of me. And those parody movies…Amy rented ‘Meet the Spartans’ and it wasn’t so terrible it was amazing, it was so terrible I wanted to die. I imagine Disaster Movie and Epic Movie will be nigh-equal levels of awful.

…Maybe this is a bad plan.

24 Comments And you can’t piss on hospitality! I WON’T ALLOW IT!

  1. zophos June 10, 2010 at 5:17 am

    I tried to start Bad Movie Night based on this list and it never really took.

    I downloaded Anus McGillicutty and I still can’t make myself watch it.

    1. admin June 10, 2010 at 5:25 am

      Some bad movies, like Troll 2, can be enjoyable to watch. I imagine that a lot of this list is torturous. It takes a certain sort of person to be enthusiastic about this kind of pain. XD

  2. admin June 10, 2010 at 5:24 am

    I was surprised that Death Bed: The Bed That Eats wasn’t on the list, because it’s surely one of the very worst movies I have EVER seen.

    1. pretzelcoatl June 10, 2010 at 12:24 pm

      Ahahahaa I saw a video review of that. That movie did look pretty horrible.

      1. admin June 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm

        If some enterprising soul cut out all the parts when the bed is NOT eating something, and strung together all the action, I bet it would be highly entertaining. My favorite part was when someone tried to shoot the bed and then just flung his gun at it in desperation.

  3. scearley June 10, 2010 at 5:46 am

    Daddy Day Camp doesn’t deserve to be on this list.
    Sure, it’s what you expect, but at one point Jeff Garlin ad libs “It’s Big Mick on the Gih-tar!” and I fucking laugh my ass off every time.

    It’s no worse than, say, “Notting Hill” or any such pablum.

    I like Boggy Creek II because its filmed in my hometown. And is one of my favorite MST3Ks.

    1. admin June 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm

      If it were up to me, Titanic would be on the list. But this is compiled from IMDB user votes, so movie types I loathe don’t often stand a chance of making these sorts of lists.

  4. cordelia_rose June 10, 2010 at 7:34 am

    My little brother saw epic movie with his cousins when he was 8ish. It scarred him. He would lay awake at night contemplating the emptiness of the universe because of this. Seriously, he was really traumatized. Having not seen it, I can’t begin to guess why.

    Also, Space Mutiny sounds pretty awesome.

    1. admin June 10, 2010 at 5:04 pm

      Oh yeah, I remember Candybeard Nopants posting about that on 12s!

      “We’ve watched some scary shit and some truly horrible shit, but I’ve never seen him so upset by a movie. He’s got the thousand yard stare of a first-time goatse viewer.”

      If I had to take a stab at what bothered him about the movie, it would be that it was his first exposure to the depths that people will sink to in order to capitalize on other people’s creativity and pander to the lowest common denominator.

  5. mschilepepper June 10, 2010 at 8:34 am

    Oh, man, I have a dentist appointment that morning. Will I be up for a beer and a horrible movie?? I don’t know!

    1. admin June 10, 2010 at 5:20 pm

      I don’t think that the documentary is going to be horrible, it’s just based on a horrible movie.

  6. helloautumn June 10, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    manos is hands-down one of my favorite best-worst movies. (i’ll only watch it MSTied though. i don’t know how i’d feel if i have to suffer through it without the biting commentary.)

    of course, so many of these movies i’ve seen MSTied (incredibly strange creatures, eegah, etc.) – thank goodness derek has (most) of the MST3K episodes (considering ordering him the dvd set with both manos and santa claus conquers the martians. when we have our next christmas party, we need to watch that. we did the mexican santa claus movie last year and it was great.)

    1. admin June 10, 2010 at 5:19 pm

      “NOoooooo, HE’S GOT BIG KNEES!”

      Eegah is one of my favorite MST3Ks but I actually enjoy the movie sans the mockery (it’s easier for *me* to mock it that way).

      I should have a christmas party with bad christmas movies this year! I tried to get ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night’ last year but it just sat on the top of my Netflix queue with ‘long wait’. I kept it up there just to see how long it would take and it sat for three months and eventually the movie was moved to my ‘saved’ list because apparently the disc is no longer available or the last person stole it or something.

      1. demonlet June 10, 2010 at 5:26 pm

        Everybody wants a piece of GARBAGE DAY!!

      2. helloautumn June 10, 2010 at 5:34 pm

        we got the dvd of the christmas special of “it’s always sunny in philadelphia” and then showed that with santa claus (which is on the bad movie list you posted – it’s REALLY bad. and has a lot of moments that are just……fantastic.) but that is sucky that you couldn’t find the disc. such a shame. (YES! have a party! it would be so awesome!)

        not gonna lie, but i would LOVE to see eegah without the mockery. (also, bonus points for having ray dennis steckler cameo in it. one of my favorite parts of the whole movie. that and “WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES!”)

        seriously, i need to use that line more often. in awkward situations to boot.

        1. admin June 10, 2010 at 5:57 pm

          I need to adopt “Watch out for snakes!” into my personal lexicon as well.

          Santa Claus and the Hobgoblins is a classic Christmas movie as well, everyone knows that Santa Claus’ ultimate enemy is the devil!

          1. helloautumn June 10, 2010 at 6:16 pm

            and the devil’s mortal enemy is the narrator! (seriously, if you come across that episode of MST3K when they show santa claus, you have to watch it. ( it’s really ridiculous.

            i never thought that hobgoblins would be a fantastic christmas movie. might have to look that one up. (not gonna lie: a few months ago – when we visited schuler books, our local bookstore – they had a used dvd of hobgoblins. and another used dvd of hobgoblins 2. i talked my friend peter out of buying it. i told him that if he saw it un-MSTied, it would ruin the movie for him. good thing he listened. of course, schuler also had a copy of mitchell on dvd for the longest time. thought about buying it, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.)

          2. admin June 10, 2010 at 6:28 pm

            Oh wait, I’m confused, it was Santa Claus that I was thinking of, there is no ‘Santa Claus vs Hobgoblins’ (I must be more tired than I thought!).

            Gremlins is a good Christmas movie, though!

          3. helloautumn June 10, 2010 at 6:30 pm

            ooooh. and a few of my friend will argue that die hard is the best christmas movie ever (my friends’ band recorded a christmas song with the theme of die hard. it is fantastic.)

  7. irrationalrobot June 10, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    A friend of mine saw Baby Geniuses in the theater with his girlfriend of the time, and I still give him crap about it.

    Not counting ones I’ve seen on MST3K, some observations:
    54. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964)
    Probably is better in the original “Emergo,” where people would run around the theater wearing masks and waving cardboard axes around. Which is weird, because I think the point of most of those potboiler horror flicks was “something to be on a movie screen whilst getting a handjob.”

    70. Chairman of the Board (1998)
    F’ing Carrot Top. The only time I spent time in Vegas, he was the featured entertainer at the MGM. F’ing carrot top.

    84. Simon Sez (1999)
    I’ve got a shrink-wrapped VHS of this in my closet somewhere, was given to me as a gag gift.

    1. admin June 10, 2010 at 5:23 pm

      Any girlfriend who makes you see Baby Geniuses in the theater is not The One.

      I’m sad that they don’t really have those sorts of interactive theater experiences anymore (not the handjobs, but the rigged seats or stuff falling from the ceiling, etc). They add an extra dimension to the theatergoing experience.

  8. demonlet June 10, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    I’m ashamed at how many of these I’ve seen.

    Looking at the list though, all I can think about is the time when I was dating this guy and I’d pitched the idea of going to see Pan’s Labyrinth. “I need some comedy,” he insisted, “let’s go see Epic Movie!”

    Five seconds on RottenTomatoes told me this would be a bad idea. It had an approval of 8%. When I brought this up he did his trademark smiling/blow off female opinion thing (I know, I should have known he was a bad idea right then, right?) and I conceded to go see this turd. As we left the theater, I shit you not, he turned to me in wide-eyed astonishment and said, “WOW, can you believe how bad that was? That was AWFUL.”

    I should have set his bleach-blonde fauxhawk on fire.

    1. admin June 10, 2010 at 5:59 pm

      Yes, yes you should have. It was also a prime ‘I told you so’ opportunity!

  9. darwinpolice June 11, 2010 at 5:25 am

    Since it’s been years and years since I saw Troll 2, I looked it up on Wikipedia and, lo and behold, THERE’S A TROLL 3. I was not aware of this.

    The plot summary is fucking magical.

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