Adventures in baking

“Pft. I could make those, I bet.”

Fateful words, uttered one lazy day while watching Man vs Food, which is how I ended up spending my Saturday morning glaring at dough. The challenge? Cinnamon rolls.

I figured they’d be really easy, given that I’ve made other pastries in the past relatively easily. What I didn’t plan on was trying to make dough rise in a chilly apartment. What the recipe doesn’t tell you is that cinnamon roll dough is made of the stickiest substance on earth, stronger than duct tape, superglue or even Superman, sticking to the bowl and to the knife and to my fingers and to the counter. “Lightly dust the counter”, the recipe says. Lightly dust? There isn’t enough flour in my canister to prevent this dough from nigh-permanently bonding with my countertop, which was something I discovered AFTER spreading the dough with a metric buttload of butter, sugar, and cinnamon, when I attempted to roll it up and instead of rolling, it ripped and tore and made a hell of a mess and I invented at least three new curse words.

Man, fuck cinnamon rolls.

30 Comments Adventures in baking

  1. pretzelcoatl January 17, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    But they look like they were worth the effort!

    And I’ll have to see whether or not making those are harder or easier than my grandmother’s mashed potato candy, which is essentially cold mashed potatoes + peanut butter + buttloads of powdered sugar. FUN TIMES.

    1. admin January 17, 2011 at 7:45 pm

      I’m really having difficulty imagining what that concoction might taste like!

  2. evillinn January 17, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    I have to say, though, those look freakin’ amazing.

    Now I want cinnamon rolls for lunch, which seems like a bad idea.

    1. admin January 17, 2011 at 7:46 pm

      One of the best parts of being an adult is being able to make your own lunch decisions.

      DO IT.

  3. weaselmom January 17, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    I too made cinnamon rolls this weekend! But for me the hardest part was popping the seam on the can with the tip of a spoon. It always makes me jump.

    Cook’s Country has a recipe for cinnamon roll dough where they add a bit of cornstarch to the dough mix to keep it from being so sticky. It looked like it worked really well on TV.

    Cinnamon rolls are just a frosting delivery mechanism anyway!

    1. admin January 17, 2011 at 8:00 pm

      If I ever make another cinnamon roll attempt, I will try to remember this! πŸ™‚

      1. starladear13 January 17, 2011 at 10:28 pm

        If I remember the time I made them they weren’t a sticky mess. I followed the recipe on thepioneerwoman.com and they were deeeelicious!

        1. weaselmom January 17, 2011 at 10:58 pm

          Oh lord yes. Have you seen her actual cookbook? It’s a lot of fun. I can’t cook but I bought a copy for myself and one for a friend.

        2. admin January 17, 2011 at 11:51 pm

          A friend just emailed that recipe to me and I started drooling. The maple frosting makes me want to tackle cinnamon rolls again sooner rather than later.

    2. pikefish January 17, 2011 at 9:09 pm

      yes! this is also the hardest part for me!

  4. dslartoo January 17, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    I don’t care if they’re not perfectly symmetrical and spiraling, those fuckers look DELICIOUS. Were they?

    Also, did that last pic result in Napodog getting away with a chunk of cinnamon roll? I can’t see any other possible result.

    cheers,
    Phil

    1. admin January 17, 2011 at 8:03 pm

      They tasted AWESOME, nearly enough to alleviate the pain of making them.

      Napoleon was very, very concerned that Jason might drop a bite which would mar the carpet, so his goal was to prevent that from happening if possible. He’s such a helper that way.

  5. myrrhmade January 17, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    I EAT YOUR CINNAMON ROLLS. I EAT THEM RIGHT UP!

    1. admin January 17, 2011 at 8:04 pm

      Maybe we can work out a trade.

  6. winik January 17, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Now i want to make some.. Alas my great bubba ( no really) taught me to make em when I was six! ( she was a baking master.. All I did was roll the dough I think but she made me believe it was all my doing..) and no sticky cinnamon roll can compare now..

    1. winik January 17, 2011 at 8:03 pm

      But yours look mighty fine.. They had to be yummy..

    2. admin January 17, 2011 at 8:06 pm

      I bet if you made some it would be a sweet way to remember her. πŸ™‚

  7. pikefish January 17, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    they look delish! did anyone get sick from eating? if not, then I’d say they were a HUGE success!

    1. admin January 17, 2011 at 11:50 pm

      No illnesses so it’s a win all around!

  8. scearley January 17, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    when it’s cold here I put the oven on the lowest setting it will go (“warm” which, if properly set, should be 180 degrees), crack the oven door, and put the dough on top of the stove.

    1. admin January 17, 2011 at 11:50 pm

      I ended up putting the oven on warm, and putting the bowl of dough in the oven in a waterbath, covered with a towel. It eventually rose but I don’t know if that’s the best way.

      1. mschilepepper January 18, 2011 at 1:10 am

        Yeah, you want some humidity and warmth. Just boiling your teakettle or a big saucepan full of water is a good way to help proof the dough. Good idea to use the oven; you wouldn’t necessarily have to put the dough bowl in a water bath; that actually might not be helpful.

        As for rolling out the dough, part of the sticking problem was likely that your counter is slick laminate. Better to roll out dough on a floured wooden surface, like a big cutting board. And you can always halve the dough and do two roll-ups, if your board isn’t big enough for the whole batch. It does sounds to me like that dough recipe might have needed some more flour stirred into it, but you don’t want it too dry, or the flour you add while rolling it makes it drier still.

        It just takes practice, and really, there’s no requirement for any sort of precision or symmetry with something like this. I think they look great! If you used white sugar this time, try using brown sugar next time for a more caramelly result. And add some pecans, too! So yum!

  9. diamonddustshoe January 17, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    I have just viewed porn.

    Must go take sugar shower.

    1. admin January 17, 2011 at 11:51 pm

      hahahaha!

  10. variax January 17, 2011 at 11:54 pm
    > MAN, FUCK CINNAMON ROLLS
    The man refuses to obey your command.
    
    1. admin January 18, 2011 at 12:51 am

      DO IT

  11. lilysnape January 18, 2011 at 12:25 am

    Oh, I’ve also tried to make cinammon rolls, thinking it would be easy. Mine didn’t raise well enough so it was like eating cardboard, after working so hard too! *cries* Anyway, yours actually look very delicious! I wants noms now.

    1. admin January 18, 2011 at 12:53 am

      I let mine rise a second time after putting them in the pan just in case. XD

  12. thecostumegal January 18, 2011 at 5:02 am

    Note to self: buy them premade, zap in microwave D:

  13. conceptcanibal January 18, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    They tasted delicious, so it was well worth your efforts.

Comments are closed.