9/11, Mellzah style

Life has been good and busy and slow and awful and icky and awesome over the last week. I have laughed, cried, and laughed some more, and walked out with a strong resolve to do whatever it is that needs to be done by any means necessary so I can just get all of it over with and stop worrying and start LIVING.

Monday I went to the Mariners game with Carrie, John, and Ginnie, as John had gotten free tickets from some mysterious source. Nothing seemed more appropriate on a day when all we could hear about was ‘America, America, America’ than to go watch our national pastime. Unfortuately, we lost to CANADA, which sucked pretty hard. This was made up for by unleashing my Shouty Monster, who resides not-so-deep inside me, and who sneaks out after a few beers or so. The horrifying things proceeding from my mouth were all punctuated by stabby motions with the hand holding the tiny american flag they gave to me at the door. Some, but not nearly all, of the things I shouted went as follows: “ABORTIONS FOR SOME! MINIATURE AMERICAN FLAGS FOR OTHERS!” “IF YOU’RE GOING TO WALK HIM, AT LEAST HIT HIM IN THE FACE!” (I was awfully proud to have started a chorus of nearby ‘In the face! In the face, motherfuckers!’) “SEND HIM BACK CRYING TO HIS POUTINE-EATING BROTHERS!” “IF YOU LOSE, THAT MEANS THE TERRORISTS WON!” “SHOW THOSE FLAPPY-HEADS WHO’S BOSS!”

I also called the ump a dicklicker, and started chanting ‘satan’ at some group of dillholes nearby who spent many minutes cheering for Jesus. Pft. Jesus doesn’t play for the Mariners. Last I heard, he got kicked off the team for running around with an unsavory group of people, including known whores, and for drinking water-wine in the dugout.

9 innings later, I was tired, my Shouty Monster was appeased, and we all went home, miniature American flags in tow.

I still need to write about the camping trip and the mini-road trip that Jez and I took–since the neighbor with the internet I’d been leeching has either moved or wised up and locked their network, I’ve been hard-pressed to update. So just so you know–I’m not dead, just mostly internetless!

26 Comments 9/11, Mellzah style

  1. mewelke September 14, 2006 at 2:09 am

    I love the Mariners. There’s a special fun to be had rooting for a doomed team.

    1. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:46 pm

      I think I’m going to save my crying for the Seahawks and the Packers this year. Inauspicious starts for both teams!

    2. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:46 pm

      I think I’m going to save my crying for the Seahawks and the Packers this year. Inauspicious starts for both teams!

  2. mewelke September 14, 2006 at 2:09 am

    I love the Mariners. There’s a special fun to be had rooting for a doomed team.

  3. hallucinas September 14, 2006 at 2:28 am

    haha poutine makes me think of adrian.

    1. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:48 pm

      I think of Adrian pretty much every time I hear or see a reference to Slash of Guns N Roses. ๐Ÿ˜€

    2. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:48 pm

      I think of Adrian pretty much every time I hear or see a reference to Slash of Guns N Roses. ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. hallucinas September 14, 2006 at 2:28 am

    haha poutine makes me think of adrian.

  5. fete_pindon September 14, 2006 at 8:04 am

    it’s official. i love the Shouty MonsterTM.

    we need Shouty MonsterTM plush toys. and we need them now. with sound effects.

    1. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:50 pm

      I will have to carefully consider the inclusion of a plush Shouty Monster in my line of “The Mellzah Experience” products, to be unveiled in Q4 of this year.

      1. fete_pindon September 14, 2006 at 8:16 pm

        where do i buy shares?

      2. fete_pindon September 14, 2006 at 8:16 pm

        where do i buy shares?

    2. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:50 pm

      I will have to carefully consider the inclusion of a plush Shouty Monster in my line of “The Mellzah Experience” products, to be unveiled in Q4 of this year.

  6. fete_pindon September 14, 2006 at 8:04 am

    it’s official. i love the Shouty MonsterTM.

    we need Shouty MonsterTM plush toys. and we need them now. with sound effects.

  7. damienwolfe September 14, 2006 at 11:38 am

    Piggybacking wifi access? I used to do the same thing. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:52 pm

      I’m so sad that I can’t do that anymore. Something inside me rails against the thought of paying for Al Gore’s internet. The tubes should be free!

      1. damienwolfe September 15, 2006 at 12:41 am

        Al Gore’s internet? Don’t you mean Henry VanStatten’s? Sure, Al Gore invented it..but VanStatten owns it. Or at least will in 2012.

      2. damienwolfe September 15, 2006 at 12:41 am

        Al Gore’s internet? Don’t you mean Henry VanStatten’s? Sure, Al Gore invented it..but VanStatten owns it. Or at least will in 2012.

    2. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:52 pm

      I’m so sad that I can’t do that anymore. Something inside me rails against the thought of paying for Al Gore’s internet. The tubes should be free!

  8. damienwolfe September 14, 2006 at 11:38 am

    Piggybacking wifi access? I used to do the same thing. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. demonlet September 14, 2006 at 2:21 pm

    ABORTIONS FOR SOME! MINIATURE AMERICAN FLAGS FOR OTHERS

    I need this on a shirt.

    1. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:54 pm

      It’s probably already out there somewhere–or at least was at one point, when that gigantic boom of Simpsons merchandise hit the shelves. ๐Ÿ˜€

    2. admin September 14, 2006 at 6:54 pm

      It’s probably already out there somewhere–or at least was at one point, when that gigantic boom of Simpsons merchandise hit the shelves. ๐Ÿ˜€

  10. demonlet September 14, 2006 at 2:21 pm

    ABORTIONS FOR SOME! MINIATURE AMERICAN FLAGS FOR OTHERS

    I need this on a shirt.

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