When I walk into a blowjob, I’m thinking, “What can I get for a quarter?”

Waaaaaaaaaaay back on April 19th, a group of super-awesome people converged on Edmonds to declare their allegiance to motorized sports. I had always been under the impression that it was my lack of endurance that prevented me from excelling at group sports; however, riding around in bumper cars that whiz around at 3-4 mph (faster than it sounds, really, on a court that isn’t huge, particularly since the cars lack brakes), I learned an important lesson: It is my lack of coordination that truly contributes to my overall suckitude. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Here is a description of the game, as ripped directly from the Whirlyball website: “Whirlyball is best described as a combination of Basketball, Hockey and Jai-Alai played while riding an electrically powered machine, similar to a bumpercar, called a WhirlyBug. Although the WhirlyBug resembles a bumpercar, it is a far superior machine. Quicker, stronger and far more maneuverable, the WhirlyBug powers you and your team down court in a five on five game. The objective is for each team to effectively pass the whiffle ball between team members and successfully toss the ball through the hole in the backboard of the opposing team. In one hand the player has a Jai-Alai style plastic scoop and in the other hand a steering crank. The ball being tossed around is a softball sized whiffle ball. At each end of the court there are vertically hung backboards with a 15 inch hole in the center. Behind the hole is a netted swing gate equipped with a buzzer or light to notify the referee when a score is made. “ 4701_88005513939_504738939_1981241_2328127_n I proved my sports mettle by near immediately dropping my scoop onto the court and, being midget-sized, could not pick it up with my wee-man arms. Then, I ran my whirlybug into a corner and struggled to get out, blocked a member of my own team, and ran over the ball. I became the ‘please don’t pass it to me’ girl. I think I would’ve been more aggressive about trying to play and less self-conscious had I known people out on the court; travelbothroads had injured herself playing football and didn’t want to aggravate the injury, la_roja and evillin sat out, and aelius27 and ravenmimura rotated out as I rotated in. After my humiliating performance, I decided to sit the rest of the games out, but ended up really enjoying watching everyone else. People ended up getting really into the game; you could tell someone was particularly invested when they began pumping their hips when they smacked their car into someone else to give it extra ‘ooomph’. Now that football season is almost over, we’ve decided that a return to Whirlyball is in order this summer, only this time, in post-apocalyptic costumes. We’re calling it WHIRLYBALL: BEYOND THUNDERDOME. Who is in?

22 Comments When I walk into a blowjob, I’m thinking, “What can I get for a quarter?”

  1. evillinn June 2, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    I’m so glad you had a good time. I worried a little, as not everyone is as happy to simply watch the chaos as I am. 😉

    Depending on the timing and such, I’m all for another Whirlyball adventure, and I never, ever turn down the opportunity for costumes in non-costume settings.

    1. admin June 2, 2009 at 7:50 pm

      In another costume-in-non-costume-settings planned events, supposedly a Sky High Sports is opening in Bellevue in late June/early July. It has been proposed (and I agree) that an outing is made where participants wear frothy, frilly, fringy clothing that will be entertaining to look at whilst one trampolines.

      1. evillinn June 2, 2009 at 7:52 pm

        OH GREAT GODS OF ABSURDITY!!!!!!

        I’m so down with that, its not even funny.

        1. admin June 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm

          Awesome, I’ll let you know when I have more info! 🙂

  2. agentdanak June 2, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    i *might* be in, although i’m afraid i will be the first to die.

    1. admin June 2, 2009 at 7:51 pm

      If I didn’t die, you won’t die. 😉

  3. kindofstrange June 2, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    I live across the street from Whirlyball. 🙂

    1. admin June 2, 2009 at 9:38 pm

      Which means you’d better be there! 😀

  4. stationary_jew June 2, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    I want to be in, but I don’t think carrying post-apocalyptic clothing would make TSA happy.

    1. admin June 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm

      You’ll be fine as long as you remember that the gas mask goes in the CHECKED bag, not the carry-on.

      1. stationary_jew June 2, 2009 at 9:53 pm

        That just means that when my checked bag is searched (which happens on every return trip), they’ll find something more suspicious than my dirty laundry.

        1. admin June 3, 2009 at 6:14 pm

          The alternative is that we could outfit you here so that you don’t need to travel with a suspicious costume.

          1. stationary_jew June 3, 2009 at 6:17 pm

            That… might work. When is this thing likely to happen?

          2. admin June 3, 2009 at 7:14 pm

            Late July. I will talk with Cole and nail down a firm date. 🙂

  5. piemancer June 3, 2009 at 3:55 am

    Wow! You played whirlyball with Tim Curry!

    I also live up near whirlyballville. Give me a date, and i’ll block you in. Oh yeah!

    I’m sad that they took down all the Stephen Sawyer art at the Whirlyball rink. Among the many other fabulous- sincerely, freakin fabulous– i mean on fire– artworks, the Jesus Playing Whirlyball was great.

    Here’s Stephen Sawyer’s website.
    http://www.art4god.com/html/

    I groove on Stephen Sawyer. The owner of the Whirlyball rink is his dad or son or brother or something. The artwork is bloody brilliant. Undefeated is one of my favorites.

    1. admin June 3, 2009 at 4:55 am

      I hadn’t noticed the resemblance before, but…WOW. It’s striking!

      When we figure out a date, I’ll let you know.

      Also…I don’t think I’ve ever seen a print of Jesus in the boxing ring that wasn’t intended for ironic purposes. I’m kind of delighted but I’m not sure I’m delighted in the way the artist intended.

  6. irrationalrobot June 3, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Our mutual friend Phil actually got kicked out of a whirlyball game by a ref, it is a truly, truly funny story.

    1. admin June 3, 2009 at 4:02 pm

      This is a story that’s begging to be told. Spill the beans! 🙂

  7. travelbothroads June 3, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    The title of this entry makes me happy.

    1. admin June 3, 2009 at 6:13 pm

      I saved the text message in order to remind me to title this post properly. 😀

  8. Anonymous June 3, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    Whirlyball is way fun (but also way expensive). Always best in a group, so that you can spread the bill around.

    Beer and bumper cars are always a fun combo. Everyone needs a higher whiffle ball quota, week to week.

  9. redrumpirate June 3, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    Dude- this is gonna sound lame- but my step mom and pops took a bunch of us (cause I don’t have a car blah) to that place for my 20something birthday. It was the lamest thing evar. But…your post apocalyptic thing sounds bad ass ~! Count me in, keep me updated 😀

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