I escaped my murderous fate/watery grave this weekend due to a number of rather clever rules steadfastly adhered to on my part, based on my horror movie expertise.
At all times, I had a puppy galavanting in front of me, a small child strapped to the back of my neck, and two virgins handcuffed to a short length of chain on either side. In addition to protecting me from a grisly hack-and-slash death, it was also kind of sexy. The virgin part, anyway. Especially during showers. I DID say ‘at all times’ and I’m all too aware of shower-stabbing scenes to allow my virgins to wait outside. The puppy and baby, however, guarded the shower curtain, because no one likes the smell of wet dog, and I don’t want the baby to interrupt Sexy Time. Not TOO much Sexy Time, though, as otherwise it defeats the purpose of having virgins chained to me in the first place.
Also, just for this weekend, I stopped wearing gloves made of butter, just in case I needed to start my car in a hurry and couldn’t be bothered with fumbling and dropping my keys multiple times in my rush to escape.
And look! I ended up not being murdered. Obviously my plan worked. Do not argue and attempt to tell me that is specious reasoning, because I will wave my un-murdered hand at you and loudly proclaim “BAH!”
…or were you murdered and said murderer is posting this entry posing as you?
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF SEXY VIRGINS!
Also, how would I…I mean, the murderer, have gotten my passwords?
If the movies and tv have taught me anything, sexy virgins are rarely such!
And to answer the question, post-it notes on the monitor! Let us not forget movies have also taught us passwords are easily crackable. The killer would only need to look around your apartment to figure it out. 99% of the time, a pet’s name is the password! That or it’s hidden behind the framed painting on the wall on a folded piece of paper.
I am much, MUCH smarter than that. 😛
Puppies are excellent evil-warders, this is true.
Also, I trust you had a boomstick and/or a cricket bat?
In addition to my trusty boomstick, I had my puppy outfitted with a chainsaw tail. After that unfortunate incident with the mailman, I believe he is getting used to it.
Handcuffed virgins, you say?
YES.