Yesterday, I got a virus. I was double-bagging my PC, running both Avast and AVG, and I STILL got the PC herps. Something popped up on my task bar and informed me that my computer was infected. I thought to myself, “Hmm, self, that shield on the task bar does not appear to be something that I installed. Let me run one of my virus scanners and see if I can knock it out.” ERROR MESSAGE: That program cannot be opened as it is infected. Would you like to activate your antivirus software now?
OH SO THAT IS THE WAY YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY.
I tried the online scanner, housecall. YOU CANNOT RUN THAT, IT IS INFECTED. THAT WEBSITE IS INFECTED. HERE IS PORNO.COM WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT INFECTED.
Fine. Fine fine fine. I will open the task manager and see if can shut down suspicious processes from there. TASKMANAGER IS INFECTED, WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACTIVATE YOUR ANTIVIRUS SOFTWARE NOW? ALSO WE NOTICED YOU DIDN’T SPEND VERY LONG ON PORNO.COM, WHAT ARE YOU, THE FASTEST GUN IN THE WEST OR COMPLETELY ASEXUAL? HERE IT IS AGAIN.
I ran out of ideas quickly. Everyone should have someone to go to when they run out of ideas and their urge to kill is rising. My go-to guy is shadowstitch, who not only talked me out of throwing my pc out the window and down the embankment toward the highway in a Hulk-esque hiss-fit rage and then flinging myself on the ground and having a world-class tantrum, but worked me through the problem, and told me some delightful stories about bounty hunters wandering through his backyard brandishing guns, rednecks, and some of the filthiest people alive.
This post is basically a public service announcement to inform everyone that shadowstitch is the wind beneath my wings. And that sometimes, even double-bagging isn’t enough to protect your electronic wang from sexy misadventure.
Kevy is indeed awesome. Like you, he’s one of the people I’ve run into online that I’d love to meet in person sometime. I know he’s going through some heavy shit right now and that annoys me. Bad things shouldn’t happen to cool people.
cheers,
Phil
Same here. We should just have an Awesome People convention, or, even better, start our own Awesome People civilization.
In the future, when double-bagging, ask for plastic not paper.
DAMN IT. I knew I had forgotten something. 🙁
In other news, any idea on how to get bits of soggy paper out of one’s vagina? No reason, just asking. No reason at all.
Any answer that I might give to that inquiry would only result in violent retribution.
But where am I going to work out my urge for violent retribution? I HAVE NEEDS, ROB.
Is the solution too long to summarize or just classified/protected as a trade secret? I want to know more!
Combofix fixes everything (it emphasizes: AT YOUR OWN RISK), though this particular virus would only give it a chance to fix everything after I rebooted into safe mode.
holycrap…
you combifix… EVERYONE.. IF YOU USE THIS SOFTWARE, WORK IT WITH SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THEIR AGGREGATED SMART MATER FOR GREAT JUSTICE ON THIS.
Nice job TDR 🙂
E.
MBAM is also fantastic for this type of virus – and free! We use it at work and even my male counterparts agreed with me when last week I said, “I just want to hug this program.”
If it’s wrong to want to make sweet love to a program, I don’t want to be right.
Being asexual is my goal in life.
I hope to come across (HAR HAR) more Mellzah-sexuals.
See what happens when you look up midget porn? *shakes head*
You think the girl who used to work in a porn store with an employee discount can’t manage to find some midget porn among her own collection? For shame!
Side note: Microsoft Security Essentials is their new free virus scanner. It doesn’t hog as much resources as Avast and AVG, and it doesn’t try and trick you into spending more money.
Whether it would have helped in this situation, I don’t know.
So you think I should go Security Essentials instead of Avast or AVG or the super triple bag?
Triple bag. I also like ClamWin.
How many bags before going online isn’t fun anymore?
What happens is that you swith dild…er, computers when this happens, and usually end up with OS X or Unbuntu Linux.
lets see…
Im running Defender.. Avira, AVG, and Spybot. Boy TeaTimer sure leaks though.
E.
Re: lets see…
I’ve noticed the same thing about TeaTimer.
Similar thing hit some of the PC’s here at work. I just booted into Safe Mode and ran Malware Bytes, problem solved easy peasy lemon squeezy
Well I guess I’m going to have to keep you on speed dial, too. 😛
In other news..
http://www.geekologie.com/2010/01/wonderful_just_wonderfuly_preg.php
Re: In other news..
UH OH
That sounds like a particularly nasty bug.
If combofix hadn’t gotten it, I was maybe, maybe looking at a format.
My work machine got something about 2/3 as nasty this afternoon. I don’t know what my PC tech support department uses (probably something expensive and ineffectual), but they told me right up front, “We saw one with something similar last week. We’ll probably have to format.”
They were taken thoroughly aback by my highly sarcastic “Yay!”
Would you lose a lot of work if they have to format?
A few experimental pieces of code, but everything important is under source control, and most of the experiment I was in the middle of was disposable anyway. I’d put all of the non-code things I consider worthy of archival on a thumb drive a couple of months ago, in preparation for a potentially hasty retreat when the opportunity to resign presents itself. So in all likelihood, I’d just lose my CYA email archives, and possibly need to re-rip a couple of CDs.
Probably take two or three days to get all of the software re-installed, though, since I use rather a lot that isn’t on the default corporate install.
what was it and where do I get it?
Wait, you want PC herpes?
sure why not, that’s what vmware is for 😀
would lol again. You bring the funnies, lady. Icon is for voo
😀
That is a great icon!