It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s the biggest midget in the game

Yesterday, I got a wild hair up my ass to get my hands on a router, hook up my game consoles, and join the decade currently in progress. Before I allowed myself to go get one, I forced myself to do my daily workout–yesterday’s was intervals of cardio and weight training, which kicked my ass. As I am a gross person and I was crunched for time, I put my hair up in a ponytail afterward, slapped on some fresh deodorant, changed my clothes, wrestled with the dog, and hopped in the car to go to Fry’s.

On my way in, I decided to try an experiment–I have always had bad experiences at Fry’s, namely concerned with being ignored by employees, even if they are actively looking to help people and I am actively looking for help. I’ve had it impressed upon me lately that we inform the world how to treat us by our own behaviors–our posture, etc, so instead of shuffling in with my head down, refusing to make eye contact, I stood as tall as possible and walked in like I owned the place. The difference was night and day: salespeople were friendly, helpful, and conversational instead of disappearing from whatever aisle I was currently located.

While looking at routers, I noticed a very handsome man looking at me. I caught his eye, and he told me that he liked my shirt. I thanked him and then he said he knew it was a woot shirt because he was the one who started shirt.woot, and that he and his coworkers were busy setting up their new Seattle office, which is what brought them to Fry’s. We talked for a bit longer, he gave me his email address, saying that he’d send me a shirt, and I squeed a little…and as soon as I walked away, I realized I was entirely covered in dog hair and looked like holy hell. Mr. Handsome probably thought that I was homeless and could use a new shirt.

Adulthood. One day I’ll get there.

I hooked into Netflix streaming last night, and I have got a problem with my xbox–it makes my tv buzz horribly. The problem is more evident at some times than others; I initially attributed it solely to Mass Effect but that’s not the case. The best way I can describe the noise is ultra-loud fluorescent lights. On some games, the problem doesn’t occur–it didn’t happen once the whole time I played Arkham Asylum, for example. On others, like the Mass Effect menu screen, it’s glaringly obvious. I streamed South Park’s Imaginationland last night and some scenes were fine, some buzzed horribly, and sometimes it would flip back and forth several times–like, one character would say a line and it would be buzz-free, and then they’d flip to another character and the buzz would start again…it is impossible to tune out and it’s driving me nuts. I’ve checked my xbox sound system settings and they seem fine, I’ve fucked around with the TV speaker settings even though the problem doesn’t happen with anything other than the xbox and I am at a loss. Someone help me fix this before I start swinging a baseball bat randomly around my living room!

Anyhow, my 360 and PS3 are now hooked up to Al Gore’s Internet, so if you were inclined to be xbox friends with me, my gamertag is Mellzahbot. I don’t know how one makes friends on the PS3, but that doesn’t really matter as I don’t have many games for that system at all. Unless someone wants to play Eye of Judgment with me? Yes? OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!

68 Comments It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s the biggest midget in the game

  1. variax August 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Mmm, delicious 60Hz hum. It sounds like you’ve got a ground loop going on between your TV and XBox and maybe your new router. Are they all plugged in to the same outlet?

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 6:27 pm

      The router is plugged into a different outlet, all the game consoles and the TV are plugged into the same outlet, though. I should try switching the xbox to a different outlet, then?

      1. variax August 3, 2010 at 6:31 pm

        Optimally, you’d have all of the things that are connected together (consoles connected to TV, router connected to XBox) plugged in to the same outlet. If you switch the plug for the XBox you may merely go from having a ground loop between your XBox and your router to having a ground loop between your XBox and your TV. But in any case, trying different combinations to see if you can fix the symptom can’t hurt overmuch.

        1. admin August 3, 2010 at 6:36 pm

          I don’t know that the router is causing/exacerbating the issue–it was present well before I got the router. It’s possible that the TV and the xbox are on a diferent power strip, though, I don’t recall how I hooked everything up–I’ve got a stupid amount of consoles and they’re all hooked into two powerstrips that hook into the same outlet. I’ll get behind the TV and mess around with it all tonight. I would be THRILLED if just switching some cords around fixed the issue.

        2. admin August 4, 2010 at 3:44 am

          I have been switching things around but the problem is still there. The xbox and the tv were on the same power strip to start off with. :\

  2. yimmy149 August 3, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Shirt W00t story was funny. 🙂

    Is your TV, stereo/speakers (if you have), and xbox all plugged into the same outlet/power strip? If not, try doing so, you may be experiencing “group loop” hum.

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 6:28 pm

      I’m like a living, breathing “Don’t Do What Donny Don’t Does!”.

  3. moonrock August 3, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    woot is setting up a seattle office or he just previously worked there and is now setting up an office for something unrelated?

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 6:45 pm

      Woot has been acquired by Amazon so their offices are moving to Seattle.

      1. moonrock August 3, 2010 at 6:46 pm

        OHSNAP.

        this is epically awesome. i was unaware they were moving anyone. um, can i get a job there plz? i’d totally deal with the ferry again for this. 😉

        [they bought zappos a year ago too, but zappos didnt move.. so i didnt think anything of woot moving]

        1. admin August 3, 2010 at 6:51 pm

          Hahaha I don’t especially think the sweaty dirty homeless girl has any job sway with them.

          1. moonrock August 3, 2010 at 6:53 pm

            what if i was not a sweaty dirty homeless girl? THEN MIGHT I HAVE SWAY?

          2. admin August 3, 2010 at 6:54 pm

            I don’t know! All I’m saying is that being introduced to them as Ms. Filthy didn’t earn me any cred to go sniffing after jobs.

  4. pretzelcoatl August 3, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    I wish I could give advice but I’m still trying not to throttle my Internet connection with rage with how it sometimes decides to play nicely with the router and sometimes does not.

    So instead I’ll friend you when I get the chance.

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 6:53 pm

      I would also like to throttle my internet connection with rage sometimes. Every time there’s too much activity, say, I’m downloading Junkbucket which was distributed by the copyright holders for free and was perfectly legal to download and share, my connection drops and I need to reboot my modem.

  5. weaselmom August 3, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    As the owner of some unspecified number of Woot shirts, I squee in solidarity. And since I have an alarming lead on you, age-wise, and am still not an adult, you are doing just fine.

    Maybe Handsome Woot Guy saw you and thought, “There’s a woman who looks like she is actually living life and not giving a shit about whether her acrylics are chipped and her shoes are two weeks out of fashion. I find that attractive!”

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 7:43 pm

      “She is pungent in a way that attracts my inner caveman!”

      The final humiliation would be if Handsome Woot Guy somehow found this blog post. Unlikely, but totally my luck.

      1. weaselmom August 3, 2010 at 10:18 pm

        We-elll… it sounded better in my head. ;P

        1. admin August 3, 2010 at 11:05 pm

          Hey, no matter how it sounds, I’ll take it.

  6. xeross609 August 3, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    I only have a PS3, but if you figure out how to add friends(it requires you to log into the playstation network to do so) my name on there is Kissmonster. Could totally compare trophies like a boss. I’m not playing it much now though thanks to Starcraft 2 :p.

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 9:21 pm

      I have zero trophies, I don’t even know if I have any PS3 games with the trophy feature!

      1. xeross609 August 3, 2010 at 9:35 pm

        Well pssh!

        1. admin August 3, 2010 at 9:45 pm

          I am focusing on my xbox internet penis for now, though I hope that one day they’ll both be strong and mighty!

          1. xeross609 August 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm

            An xbox epeen will never be as big as a ps3 epeen, and size is what matters! YAH! Note this opinion is based completely on biased views.

          2. admin August 3, 2010 at 10:02 pm

            hahahaha I will have to take your word for it. 🙂

          3. xeross609 August 4, 2010 at 2:14 am

            probably safest that way. :p

  7. storm_dancer August 3, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    WAIT. So what you’re saying is you looked like a hot mess and Dude hit on you ANYWAY? Clearly an email saying “Nice meeting you, we should go out for drinks sometime when I don’t look like a homeless person.” is in order.

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 9:46 pm

      hahahaha I may well try, I certainly couldn’t humiliate myself any more.

      1. storm_dancer August 3, 2010 at 9:55 pm

        Like the man Teller says, avoidance of embarrassment is the least worthwhile of motives.

        My Xboxlive tag is StormDancer7.

        1. admin August 3, 2010 at 10:03 pm

          I embarrass myself so often, one more instance isn’t going to sting that much.

      2. mschilepepper August 4, 2010 at 7:51 am

        You MAY? Nay, grasshopper, you SHALL email him and ask him to have drinkies with you! I command it! If he OFFERED his deets, he WANTS you to contact him!

        1. admin August 4, 2010 at 3:53 pm

          He wants me to contact him…to send me a shirt so I no longer look homeless. I think that’s the long and the short of it.

          1. mschilepepper August 4, 2010 at 8:09 pm

            I disagree. Guys don’t DO that. Chris Rock has a bit where he talks about how men don’t do things for women just for being nice, it’s all about, “Here, lemme open that door for you. Can I have some pussy? Here, let me reach that thing off the top shelf. Can I have some pussy.” It’s true. ASK HIM OUT! The worst that’ll happen is that he might say, “Oh, sorry, I just meant I’d send you a shirt! I’m actually taken.” Over email, big whoop, rejection is part of life. Put on your big girl panties! At least he won’t be staring you in the face at the time.

          2. admin August 4, 2010 at 8:53 pm

            Well, aren’t YOU feisty today?

            I already emailed him. Now, we wait.

          3. admin August 18, 2010 at 11:06 pm

            The waiting is done, the offer for drinks has been disregarded.

          4. mschilepepper August 19, 2010 at 2:41 am

            Boys are dumb. Throw rocks at them.

            It’s so not a reflection on you, but rather a mark of his lack of taste and style. There’s someone better out there, I promise!

          5. admin August 19, 2010 at 7:56 am

            Or the poor fellow thought that upon meeting me again, I would stake my hobo claim on him and move my over-the-shoulder sack o’ crap into his house.

          6. mschilepepper August 20, 2010 at 4:04 am

            Fun fact: That “over-the-shoulder sack” is called a bindle, or a bindle stick. 🙂

      3. jodfoster August 4, 2010 at 3:04 pm

        DO EEEEEEEEEEET. Agree with above commenter 🙂

        1. admin August 4, 2010 at 3:53 pm

          I really, really don’t think he was hitting on me.

        2. admin August 18, 2010 at 11:07 pm

          He emailed back and completely disregarded my offer, so he was NOT hitting on me.

    2. admin August 18, 2010 at 11:06 pm

      He emailed back and completely disregarded my offer of drinks. :\

  8. starladear13 August 3, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Yay! My Xbox tag is starladear00 if you want to add me(original I know).

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 9:46 pm

      Yay!

      It’s not like my gamertag is all that creative, either.

  9. apestyle August 3, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    Xbox

    apefisl

    It was supposed to be apefist, but I typed it in wrong and am too cheap to rename it.

    laugh, monkey, laugh.

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 11:04 pm

      Re: Xbox

      It’s ok, ‘Apefist’ could be a reference to a sexual act and then you’d be banned anyway.

  10. nicolemarieh August 3, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    i like the personal experiment you tried while in Fry’s. Neat results eh!

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 11:34 pm

      They’re certainly encouraging!

  11. lady_sotha August 3, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    I can’t help with the electronics problem, but I’ll have Aaron friend you on XBox Live. His gamertag is aegloscrescens.

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 7:43 pm

      I find it hard to believe that you don’t have your own xbox live account!

      1. lady_sotha August 3, 2010 at 8:25 pm

        I do but I never play anything that garners achievements. I really only use the XBox to watch Netflix streaming or play old arcade games ala Castlevania SotN. I’ll friend you on my account to, the tag is LadyNinja.

        1. admin August 3, 2010 at 9:05 pm

          There are some games that I have that I would have to put in an ungodly amount of effort to get any achievements and I’m not willing to do it.

          1. lady_sotha August 4, 2010 at 1:17 am

            No, some of them are just too damn ridiculous to even fathom attempting. Like shooting a zombie in the head while it falls from at least 3 stories… That’s the only achievement I never got in ResEv 5.

          2. admin August 4, 2010 at 1:59 am

            In dead or alive extreme beach volleyball II (yes I own it, no, I don’t want any flak about it), the acheivements are collecting every single one of the hundreds of bathing suits for each girl. I would have to invest HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS into that game and it’s just not worth it.

  12. pezking124 August 3, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    I’ll add you on Xbox when I get home. My gamertag, bristling with creativity, is AndrewKirchoff.

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 7:46 pm

      Yay!

  13. g33kgrrl August 4, 2010 at 2:45 am

    I am not reading all the comments already posted but I figure they were trying to offer you a job at the new store! Just saying.

    Also, it’s amazing how much the posture/stride thing can help. I am working on this myself.

    1. admin August 4, 2010 at 3:11 am

      Either way, I walked away with an email address so I can stay in contact!

      *edit* Now that I think about it, maybe the posture/stride thing is something that influenced this interaction as well.

      1. g33kgrrl August 4, 2010 at 11:06 am

        I would almost certainly think so!

      2. mschilepepper August 4, 2010 at 8:12 pm

        Of COURSE it did! Who wants to mack on somebody who’s sclumping along all mopey and hang-doggish? Nobody, that’s who!

  14. thecostumegal August 3, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    I r apachejenn on XBox. :B

    1. admin August 3, 2010 at 9:04 pm

      Yay! 🙂

  15. vurumai August 4, 2010 at 4:56 am

    Time for some new fancy monster cables for your Xbox

    Also, you rarely look homeless.

    1. admin August 4, 2010 at 5:12 am

      Having sold those cables for a number of years, I can tell you that they are a very expensive scam. :\

      1. vurumai August 4, 2010 at 5:59 am

        I wasn’t talking about the cables you buy at the store.

        TMCIMP

        1. admin August 4, 2010 at 6:27 am

          Find your way over here, then!

  16. gray_jedi August 5, 2010 at 12:07 am

    The husband unit and I are Khlamyida Koala on Xbox Live (he’s currently on much more than I am; I’m spending a lot of quality time with the Wii)

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