I will lash out dancing like a madman when this is done

For the first time in my life, I am suffering from what I can only presume are allergies. A couple of weeks ago, I caught a cold, and when the stuffy nose and sore throat went away, the red, weepy eyes and sneezing fits did not. Laaame. Apparently my body feels that I need to solidify my position in the social hierarchy–making other people look like ‘The Pretty Friend’ by comparison. You’re welcome, jackholes.

I am now on week three of the Elegant Swan Shoe Hunt, which is quickly becoming the Desperate to Find Anything That Doesn’t Suck Shoe Hunt. Not kidding, guys. I’ve taken tomorrow and Friday off of work so that I can hopefully wrap ALL of this bridesmaid shit up (shoes, tailor, fancy undergarments, humiliating party favors, etc etc) and not think about it anymore.

The hunt would be over if I could justify spending three hundred dollars on a pair, but since I don’t live in Sex in the City New York, but rather Meth in the City Kent, I instead went to the SuperMall in Auburn to see what the Nordstrom Rack had in terms of shoes.

Whatever is causing my allergies was particularly unkind to me last night, and while I stood there, picking up various hideous shoes (god, when did clear acrylic heels come back into fashion? Is this ‘Hooker Chic’?), with Billy Ocean’s ‘Get out of my dreams, get into my car’ playing on the overhead speaker system, my eyes started gushing tears. Gushing. People started backing away, evidently believing that I either (a)was crazy or (b)had some sort of traumatic childhood abduction experience when a wild and crazy pedophile pulled his van over to the side of the road, blocking my bike, leaning out the window, pointing at me and singing “Get out of my dreams (get in the backseat baby!), get into my car!” and some backup singers dressed in sequins and tied with rope popped their heads out of the truck and echoed the refrain. Or something.

Either way, I learned that weeping-allergy eyes in public = instant leper. This may be useful knowledge the next time I go to a theme park. Don’t stand next to me in line, or I’ll weep all over you while a cartoon rabbit does a jig to the Venga Bus song.

No luck in the shoe department last night. However, I did locate an essential item for the bachelorette party. When I stepped up to the counter to purchase it, the clerk remarked “Ah, so you’re going to be in a wedding, too, huh?” I informed her that this was my small, petty revenge on the bride for asking me to do this in the first place. The clerk told me that in a week, she is the maid of honor in two weddings on the same day–one at eleven in the morning and one at 6pm. And since the brides have gone with radically different color schemes, she can’t re-use her dress. That’s pretty impressive, to wear two dresses she’ll never wear again over the course of one day. The clerk must have thought I was emotionally moved by her plight, considering the way I kept weeping at the counter.

Verdict: Allergies suck and so does the SuperMall.

10 Comments I will lash out dancing like a madman when this is done

  1. darwinpolice June 13, 2007 at 4:50 pm

    There’s a SuperMall in Auburn? Shit, the only things I remember from Auburn are a drive-in movie theater and the stench of cow shit.

    Also, you have the most entertaining tag list of anyone on Lima Juliet.

    1. admin June 13, 2007 at 4:58 pm

      Do not knock the very same drive-in theater I plan to attend soon–they have four screens, sir. Four!

      1. darwinpolice June 13, 2007 at 5:15 pm

        Hey, I loved that place! The smell of popcorn made it the only place in Auburn where the cow shit stink wasn’t noticeable. 😉

        1. admin June 13, 2007 at 5:20 pm

          :shrug: Things have obviously changed since you lived here–I live a couple miles from that drive-in, and there is no cow shit stink, ever. There’s a dairy farm nearby…with no cows.

          1. darwinpolice June 13, 2007 at 5:33 pm

            Indeed. I don’t remember Kent being a particularly rough town, either, and from what you’ve said, that’s definitely changed. I’d kind of like to get back to the Seattle area at some point to see just how different everything is. I’m told that I wouldn’t even recognize my old neighborhood anymore.

          2. admin June 13, 2007 at 5:49 pm

            Not…rough. More like “hey, it is evident that the people here don’t have tons of money when waterview properties are going for 100k” sort of run-down.

    1. admin June 14, 2007 at 2:24 am

      Thanks for the info, I’ll try to think of an interesting zombie post today! 😀

  2. smacksaw June 14, 2007 at 12:01 am

    This is probably your first exposure to the Dogwood. I’d wager that’s what it is.

    The Auburn Supermall has Great Steak and Potato company. At least they used to…it was the only one left in the whole Puget Sound area. It makes it worth it right there for me.

    1. admin June 14, 2007 at 2:26 am

      They still have it–I would easily trade it for a Steak and Shake. I would also like a Ranch 1 that’s closer than Marysville.

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