Good morning, starshine–the earth says HELLO!

wonka

Against Vegas odds, I actually finished my costume on time to attend the Kirkland Mafia costume party on Saturday night. I’m very happy with the way it turned out, and really feel that there are only a few details that could’ve been executed better, if I had the time or gumption to fix them (I don’t.)

For instance–I wish the gloves fit more snugly. I have damn-near child-size hands, so the overall impression of my hands in these gloves is that each one of my fingers comes with its own reservoir tip, perfect in case my hands start to ejaculate or I happen to meet a man with five tiny penises.

Also, my glasses are a bit of an issue; I’d wanted to order some contact lenses, but that would’ve required two separate eye exams, one of which is uncovered by insurance, which is a ridiculous amount of effort and expense for something I’d wear so rarely. I’d ordered a really cheap pair of glasses in my prescription and planned on affixing those lenses behind the Wonka glasses’ lenses, but as of this posting, they still have not arrived, though they were ordered a month ago. Screw you, zenni optical!

I ended up wearing my glasses underneath the sunglasses–this works fine until someone takes a picture of me with a flash, whereupon you can see the outline of my glasses through the Wonka lenses. WHICH LOOKS CRUMMY.

wonka2

I’ve got a golden tiiii-cket! I’ve got a golden tiiii-cket! Many thanks to shadowstitch, who gave me a golden ticket template. I waited til the day of the party, and my printer decided that even though the black ink cartridge is full, it would only print faint outlines, so everything is colored in with a tiny sharpie. Everything that looks right about it is his doing, everything that’s vaguely screwy is my inability to color within the lines coming through.

I never realized how dim my room is until I tried to take pictures of myself in black pants, with a black vest, and black buttons, and only a silver watchfob breaking the whole mess up–it turns out that everything melds into a supermassive black hole in my midsection. Trust me–the vest turned out AMAZING. Better than I’d even dared hope!

0013xsgh

One of the details I felt helped make the costume is the ‘W’ pin, made with gentle loving care by one of my friends so I wouldn’t cut a finger off with a jewelry saw or scalp myself on a buffing wheel.

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I love how the hatband turned out. This motherhumping thing took me forever and a day to sew (read: over forty hours on it, alone) because the 3-D details are comprised of individual, tiny stitches. It takes a special sort of lunacy to attempt something like this.

cane

I also love how the cane turned out. This thing represents no less than 5 trips to home depot, several hours worth of driving around to various stores, looking for theatre-size boxes of Nerds, a lot of cursing and a nearly hacksawed leg. The top bit is a curtain rod finial that I taped/spraypainted/sanded. The clear bit is a plastic florescent light covering, the bottom bit is a wee table leg. Running the length of the cane is a wooden doweling that takes up a good deal of the space inside the plastic tube, so it’s not filled with as many Nerds as one might expect, but it’s still nearly 3 theatre size boxes. It weighs a motherfucking TON. I could easily kill a man with it; the only problem being is that the plastic tube would surely split, filling the murder scene with candy like the victim was a man-pinata.

I’m hoping that I’ll be crowned the victor of the safetymonkey costume contest, two years running!

65 Comments Good morning, starshine–the earth says HELLO!

  1. demonlet October 24, 2007 at 8:19 pm

    Dude. DUDE this is outstanding work. I’m proud of you even if I don’t get to eat the contents of your canesee it in person.

    I may have to scrap my whole seemingly simple costume idea for this year because school uniform stores won’t sell those fucking skirts to the public.

    it’s not even as fun or as dirty as it sounds

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:06 pm

      Seriously? Are they concerned that pedophiles are going to prance around in schoolgirl skirts in an attempt to fool everyone? Unless it’s a really specific color skirt you need, I’ve seen costume shops sell generic ‘schoolgirl’ costumes. You could also pretend you are a student…

      1. demonlet October 24, 2007 at 10:48 pm

        I’m gonna try the mall with Ali tomorrow, I need a basic greyish/blackish/dark bluish plaid skirt that looks distinctly schoolgirl. I wondered about the pedo thing, but in the end I think it’s just that private schools are real snotty about their signature “look”.

        FIE ON THEM I SAY. 😐

        1. admin October 24, 2007 at 10:51 pm

          THAT WILL BE AN EXCELLENT COSTUME.

          Do you have a mace?

        2. storm_dancer October 25, 2007 at 12:51 am

          THERE WILL BE LICKING. OH, THE LICKING.

          1. admin October 25, 2007 at 12:58 am

            PIX OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.

  2. wakare October 24, 2007 at 8:22 pm

    That’s pretty darned cool.

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:07 pm

      Thanks!

  3. apestyle October 24, 2007 at 8:23 pm

    SWANKY!

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:07 pm

      SHAZAM!

  4. uncledisgusting October 24, 2007 at 8:24 pm

    a favourite quote from the film:

    i’ve always been taller than you because one day i distinctly remember wearing a hat

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:09 pm

      That’s one of my favorite lines as well; I’ll take added height however I can get it!

        1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:20 pm

          You also have a bowler hat!

          1. uncledisgusting October 24, 2007 at 9:25 pm

            which i’m not wearing, nor am i wearing my fez

          2. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:27 pm

            Why have such awesome hats if you do not wear them?

          3. uncledisgusting October 24, 2007 at 9:28 pm

            am in a hotel on my own, so noone to share a head full of awsome with.

          4. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:50 pm

            Fancy dress from home is the perfect way to make a lonely hotel room awesome.

  5. motomotoyama October 24, 2007 at 8:30 pm

    That is fantastic!

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:10 pm

      Thank you! I demand to see pictures of your Judy Nails when you’ve got it all together. πŸ™‚

      1. demonlet October 24, 2007 at 10:50 pm

        JUDY NAILS COSTUME? EEEE. ♥

        1. motomotoyama October 24, 2007 at 11:44 pm

          Yup, I’m attempting it, although due to poor planning coupled with procrastination, it might not end up being that awesome. I already rock the hair, though. I just need to use lots of gel and wax.

          1. admin October 25, 2007 at 1:25 am

            Do you have plans for this Saturday night?

          2. motomotoyama October 25, 2007 at 1:27 am

            I do. I’ll be at a roller derby bout up in Everett and then a party afterwards.

  6. earthdotprime October 24, 2007 at 8:31 pm

    for gloves – doctors offices often carry non-latex gloves (which tend to be that ridiculous shade of willy wonka purple) in multiple sizes for all the different hand-sized employees. (i, for one, am not adverse to stealing medical supplies from my doctor. but i’m sure they’re also available @ medical supply stores.)

    OR, tween-jewelry stores – Claires, The Icing, I’m sure there’s some variant lurking around in your local mall – carry impossibly small sized prom gloves in ever weirder colors every year. my normal sized hands barely fit into their largest sized gloves, so maybe that’s worth checking out?

    besides that – dear god, that’s a lot of effort for a halloween costume. it looks great!

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:20 pm

      I, too, am not above stealing medical supplies from my doctor, especially when I see what they charge. I stopped in at my doctor’s and a local clinic, and all they both had were the green gloves, unfortunately. THOSE BASTARDS.

      I will give the tween stores a try–thanks for the heads-up!

      Halloween is like my Christmas; as practically the only holiday I give a crap about besides the Magical Month Of My Birth, I can afford to put out this sort of effort. πŸ™‚

  7. eloe October 24, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    This is amazing. My update is that I’m still going to be Amy Winehouse FOR YOU and I’m putting the pieces of the costume together. I think it’ll look good! πŸ˜€

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:23 pm

      I’m glad you’re going through with the Amy Winehouse costume–I can’t wait to see pictures!

  8. kindofstrange October 24, 2007 at 8:52 pm

    uNF! Costuming boner!

    Well, you know, mental boner and all that.

    I loooove this kind of year. I too am prone to lunacy in costume creation, though I’ve been rather slow about it this year due to all of the OMGWTF crazyness going on at work and such.

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:26 pm

      πŸ˜€

      If you don’t already have plans, you should come out this Saturday night!

      9:30, 10pmish.

      6053 6th Ave NE
      Seattle, WA 98115

      I think it’s going to be EPIC this year.

      1. kindofstrange October 26, 2007 at 3:58 am

        I would, but man o’ man am I burnt out this week. I think I may just sit and watch scary movies and eat candy until I puke.

        I have severe costume desire, but I haven’t had the time to get anything ready for this year. Blarg.

        1. admin October 26, 2007 at 3:37 pm

          I thought the bone mask was to be an integral part of this year’s costume?

          If you change your mind, please do come out! πŸ™‚

          1. Anonymous October 26, 2007 at 5:05 pm

            It was, but it’s a serious pain in the ass and requires several more hours of work before it’s wearable.

            *grumble*

            If I wasn’t in the conference this week AND have tons of stuff to do for work I’d be on it, but man am I ever burned out right now. (I have a wedding to go to right after work tonight too, wheeee!)

    2. admin October 24, 2007 at 10:52 pm

      Also, I read that as ‘metal boner’ and was for a moment horribly confused.

      1. kindofstrange October 26, 2007 at 3:57 am

        My boner is totally metal.

        ())=\mm/==D

        Too much metal boner for one hand!

        1. admin October 26, 2007 at 3:30 pm

          Then rock out with your metal cock out!

  9. pretzelcoatl October 24, 2007 at 9:29 pm

    I look forward to hearing about your escapades! Are you arriving by boat of madness or glass elevator?

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 9:49 pm

      I hadn’t considered that bit yet–I suppose since I’m going places that aren’t water accessible (I’m not on Night Boat, here), I’ll have to take the elevator.

    2. shadowstitch October 24, 2007 at 9:52 pm

      Actually, it’s a Wonkavator!

      1. admin October 24, 2007 at 10:09 pm

        The better to Wonka you with, my dear!

  10. shadowstitch October 24, 2007 at 9:55 pm

    Nice job (though I’m sort of cheating because I saw the costume already..) Sucky, about the printer and all…worst case scenario, take the paper to kinkos with a black-and-white printout, copy the image to the gold foil like they do with transparencies…maybe kick the toner up a notch, and be sure to spray it with acrylic sealant lest it all rub off!

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 10:08 pm

      That’s a really good idea!
      That, or bring it into work and waste THEIR ink. πŸ˜‰

  11. gray_jedi October 24, 2007 at 11:15 pm

    OMG. That is the most awesomest costume in the history of awesome.

    I’m going as the Charlie-Brown-ghost this year… white sheet + scissors + multiple holes. πŸ˜€

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 11:31 pm

      cuuute! I want to see pictures! πŸ™‚

    2. motomotoyama October 24, 2007 at 11:43 pm

      Don’t forget your rock.

      1. storm_dancer October 25, 2007 at 12:54 am

        And a string to wind around it!

    1. admin October 25, 2007 at 12:59 am

      Thanks! πŸ˜€

      …I still want to know what you’re dressing as. CAN’T YOU SEE THIS IS KILLING ME?

      1. storm_dancer October 25, 2007 at 1:02 am

        Mine is an evil laugh!

        Mwa-ha-ha!

        1. admin October 25, 2007 at 1:08 am

          Re: Mine is an evil laugh!

          But but…I already have a costume–I’m not going to copy you! PLEeeeeease?

          1. storm_dancer October 25, 2007 at 1:09 am

            Re: Mine is an evil laugh!

            Nope. I’m even anal about Halloween. πŸ˜‰

          2. storm_dancer October 25, 2007 at 1:09 am

            Re: Mine is an evil laugh!

            P.S. It’s not about the copying. It’s more about the surprise – kind of like waiting until Christmas to open presents.

          3. admin October 25, 2007 at 1:24 am

            Re: Mine is an evil laugh!

            I AM A PRESENT SHAKER GODDAMNIT.

            Uh, I watched the ring tape a few days ago, I’m not going to survive until Halloween.

          4. storm_dancer October 25, 2007 at 1:27 am

            Re: Mine is an evil laugh!

            :: breaks in a explosion of tinkly sounds and leaks out the box ::

  12. cheeserock October 24, 2007 at 11:06 pm

    you look AWESOME!

    1. admin October 24, 2007 at 11:18 pm

      Thank you! πŸ™‚

  13. fete_pindon October 25, 2007 at 2:22 pm

    fucking RAD costume.

    *props*

    *mad props*

    1. admin October 25, 2007 at 2:32 pm

      Thanks, Pete! πŸ˜€

      1. fete_pindon October 26, 2007 at 1:31 am

        thou art truly welcome darling. verily and yea. forsooth. and all that. x

  14. djunchan October 25, 2007 at 9:21 pm

    WOW..you just look awesome!
    And what a great idea! You can’t even see the glasses underneath…
    It’s a success!

    1. admin October 25, 2007 at 9:36 pm

      Thanks, Gen! πŸ™‚

  15. suspiciouskay October 25, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    So jealous!

    1. admin October 25, 2007 at 6:35 pm

      If you’re that jealous, I could teach you how to nearly hacksaw your leg as well. πŸ˜‰

  16. jessetastic July 25, 2008 at 9:27 pm

    Your costumes are always totally amazing!

    I love costume parties. What are you doing for Halloween? haha

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