Chronic Pain

On Thursday the 22nd, Cole and I went to Club Motor to see SST: Chronic Pain, to cheer on the handsome Cruz Bustamante, start up chants comprised nigh-entirely of expletives, fling PBR cans, and high-five an amount which some may deem excessive. Fortunately for us, we arrived before the doors even opened, and thus started our evening down the street at Hooverville, drinking Odin’s Beard or Thor’s Warhammer or something along those lines. We then bonded over our compulsion to crunch pretty much anything on the ground that looks like it might crunch satisfyingly, like a small pile of leaves, a peanut, or a hollowed-out crab on the beach–whatever looks crunchable.

On our way to Club Motor, we found this wonderful spectacle:

It’s your call: Are these ironic rims or deadly serious minivan business?

Inside, we started on PBR cans in the hopes to store up some to huck; little did we know that instead of flinging cans this evening, we were to be throwing balls, so we drank a lot of really shitty beer for very little reason. I played some Terminator on their arcade machine. Cole and I hung out in some random cage that was sitting out and talked, and every few minutes, one of us would fresh realize that we were having a serious conversation in a cage.

30226_385421568939_6612497_n

By the time the show was starting, we were both on our way to Happy Drunk Land. When they threw out all of the audience participation balls, I grabbed as many as I could and stuffed them down my shirt for safekeeping. Yes.

30226_385421573939_4320237_n

On our way to the restroom between acts, we realized that you could look right into the men’s room, and felt this was a photo opportunity that couldn’t be missed:

30226_385421588939_1114960_n

Not that our antics went unnoticed. Guys came out and said we’d need a much bigger zoom lens to see anything. A couple came out and started hitting on us. We brushed off this attention by having a dance-off with the door staff.

30226_385421593939_7557490_n

30226_385421618939_3168467_n

Then we watched some dude whose name I don’t remember wrestle the Holy Ghost.

30226_385421628939_3554192_n

30226_385421633939_5664101_n

 

Ronald McFondle never disappoints:

30226_385421638939_463481_n

30226_385421643939_5323223_n

 

I started up a chant of ‘Sweaty Asscrack’ about Mr. Fitness, an accomplishment of which I am inordinately proud.

And then the inimitable Cruz Bustamante won the coveted Glass Bitch, a triumph after five years of fighting his way to the top, which I then promptly molested, and then followed him to the bathroom and took a picture of him peeing. I am nothing if not a moment-spoiler.

30226_385421693939_8010632_n

30226_385421698939_4236620_n

 

30226_385421703939_6234324_n

It was somewhere around this time that the people sitting at the table with us told us that we were ‘hilarious’ and ‘should have a podcast’, an idea which tickles both of our fancies. Why should I continue to deny the world anecdotes read in my ‘tampax commercial’ voice? Who wouldn’t want to hear stories about attempted emu-riding and a foot stench so powerful it once caused one of her parents to vomit in a car?

We went to discuss the idea further and also to get some food in our bellies at some diner that looked like a Denny’s but was not a Denny’s. Sadly, The Simpsons & Family Guy-themed BBQ place was not open.

30226_385421788939_6138157_n

30226_385421793939_7907660_n

Happily, the Dennys-But-Not-Dennys had a sign posted saying that if you ate there within two days of your birthday, your meal would be free, and it was within two days of my birthday, so chalk up one more meal on my free-birthday-goods-and-services-awesome-business punchcard. They were also awesome for giving us pictures to color when I slurred that I wanted one.

30226_385421798939_1733797_n

30226_385421803939_4258853_n

…it’s almost mesmerizing in a way, isn’t it?

31 Comments Chronic Pain

  1. pretzelcoatl April 29, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Am I a man dreaming that I am a crack-addled multiple breasted butterfly, or am I a crack-addled multiple breasted butterfly dreaming that I am a man?

    1. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:34 pm

      It’s like Perdido Street Station allllll over again.

  2. vurumai April 29, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    If you had a podcast, I dunno what you call it but I’d listen to it.

    Mellzah’s dirty thoughts?

    1. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:18 pm

      Cole & I haven’t discussed a name yet, when it becomes closer to a reality, we’ll let EVERYONE know. 🙂

      Maybe the ‘One Listener Podcast’.

      1. doctoreon April 29, 2010 at 8:24 pm

        I think you should stick with Denny’s-but-not-Denny’s. I would tack on “at 3am,” personally, because that’s when Denny’s is best, and you to to project the idea that your podcast is the among the best things in life.

        1. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:33 pm

          I like it! Not too long, though?

          1. doctoreon April 29, 2010 at 8:35 pm

            That’s how you screen your listeners. If they think it’s too long, well fuck them!

          2. pretzelcoatl April 29, 2010 at 8:43 pm

            I can already smell the pot and bacon grease!

          3. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:45 pm

            I know, it’s really growing on me!

          4. doctoreon April 29, 2010 at 8:47 pm

            What can I say? I have a gift.

          5. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:57 pm

            You DO.

            Now please sign this form indicating that you did not save Itchy and Scratchy.

          6. doctoreon April 29, 2010 at 8:59 pm

            I swear I’ve never even met them.

          7. doctoreon April 29, 2010 at 8:47 pm

            I’m getting teary-eyed from the memories.

          8. pretzelcoatl April 29, 2010 at 8:48 pm

            You should read After Dark by Haruki Murakami. Among other awesome things, it shows that Denny’s late at night is a comforting constant all over the world.

          9. doctoreon April 29, 2010 at 8:50 pm

            I haven’t traveled much around the world, but I have traveled extensively in the US. So, I can say with confidence that this is true.

          10. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:56 pm

            I’m going to add that to my reading list. 🙂

          11. pretzelcoatl April 29, 2010 at 8:57 pm

            As one of the characters is a female ex-wrestler who now owns a love hotel, I cannot not recommend it.

  3. playmoby April 29, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Steven and I were talking about you the other day, and he mentioned that you are the female Dustin.

    This post only drives his point further. 🙂

    love it!

    1. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:28 pm

      Who might Dustin be, so that I might assess whether this is a compliment or not?

      1. playmoby April 29, 2010 at 8:29 pm

        Dustin Drees!

        He be on our Facebooks. LOL

        1. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:33 pm

          Oooooooooooh yes! I had forgotten that we had a common connection there.

          1. playmoby April 29, 2010 at 8:34 pm

            Steven went to college with Dustin… and misses his antics greatly!

          2. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:35 pm

            I still covet Dustin’s ‘Party Time’ hat.

  4. aquariumspast April 29, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Minivan

    I wish this were a California post, so I could say: That’s HOW the gangs get to the amusement park…

    1. admin April 29, 2010 at 8:58 pm

      Re: Minivan

      If it were, would you say this rocking ride belongs to the Funnel Cake Gang or the Churro Gang?

      1. aquariumspast April 29, 2010 at 9:08 pm

        Re: Minivan

        The Funnel Cake Gang would be likely to get their own kids film, so I’ll say:

        The Food on a Stick Shiv Gang…

  5. winik April 29, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    Ahh sometimes I miss the humorous piss drunk misadventure/adventure! days.. hilarious..

  6. cuntress April 30, 2010 at 12:47 am

    I really LOL’d at the Slutterfly.

    1. winik April 30, 2010 at 1:07 am

      love! lol!!

    2. admin May 4, 2010 at 4:56 am

      I lolled at the word Slutterfly and wish I had thought of it myself!

Comments are closed.