A rant that could only have been written by someone old and unhip.

Yesterday, I went to see Rasputina at Neumos. The last time I’d seen them perform was nearly a decade ago on Halloween, when my boyfriend absolutely refused to drive up from DC to join me at Dracula’s Ball, we had a huge fight about it, I decided to go anyway, took the train, got off at the wrong stop, got lost in a very bad area of Philadelphia where it’s probably a miracle I didn’t get stabbed, and I ended up getting a ride back to campus from some stranger in vampire teeth, but that’s a story for another time. Wait, that’s pretty well the whole story.

My intent was to see Rasputina; Rasputina was the band I’d paid for the ticket to see. I’m merely attempting to clarify why I was in the area, and therefore express my utter bewilderment that on a weeknight, with doors opening at 8, somehow the band I’d paid to see did not go onstage until after 11pm, forcing me to miss the majority of the show as I have to get up for work at an ungodly hour in the morning and cannot drag myself in dysfunctional or late, particularly when the boss’ boss is in town. Had I still been taking the bus to and from the city, I would have missed them entirely, stuck with only the miserable experience of the godawful opening bands. And I do mean GODAWFUL.

The first band was ‘The Curious Mystery’. This band should be renamed to “Jesus on Bass with Dude on Sitar while Token Female Yowls and Performs a Pee-Pee Dance”. The three male musicians were competent, which is the absolute nicest thing I can say. Singing off-key and incomprehensibly while you pose dramatically like a stork and play some manner of electric zither does not make you edgy. For the record, you suck. Also, can someone tell me WTF instrument this is? It is some manner of keyboard with a tube attached, and it was played vigorously in a pee-pee dance fashion, yet I could not discern what sound it was actually making.

The second band was Larkin Grimm, whose music I could have enjoyed had they not played their entire goddamned back catalog and had an obnoxious rambling explanation for what EVERY song was about before it was played. “This song is about when you clean your cat’s litterbox and the worms crawl into your brain.” “This song is about walking your dog and thinking about death, only your dog is smarter than you and you meet a butcher.” “This song is about an alien cat god from outer space.” “This song is about sex and decapitation except it’s actually about Iranian poets and let me go into a backstory on that.” “This song is about a bodily fluid, guess which one? I’m addressing all of the under 21 year olds in this 21-and-up audience, gosh I sure hope some kids snuck in with fake ids.” They went on in this fashion, I can’t even remember the rest. I believe I began to block them out, though I expect that had I listened, I would have heard “This song is about a clown murderer who turns out to be your stepfather only not really because he takes off that mask, too, and it’s actually your one true unicorn love who is full of the light of the song of the colors you can’t remember.” YOU ARE NOT ON VH1’S BEHIND THE FUCKING MUSIC, LADY. SHUT UP. GET OFF THE STAGE.

Finally, FINALLY, at quarter after elevenish, Rasputina finally, FINALLY got onstage. Except whatever dillhole was running the ‘stop the audience from getting restless’ overhead music just kept going. Eventually the band had to tap the mic and say “Yes, hello? We are ready to perform.”





It’s a shame that the stage was set up in such a way that I could not see Melora at ALL.

It was at this point, the annoying goth contingency began to press against me. I should not have to explain to someone standing behind me that my pockets are for my personal use. Also, look, Seattle Goths: It is not ‘goth’ to neglect personal hygiene. I understand, your mind is consumed with more important things, the futility of life, the fleeting nature of love, how much longer the sale is running on black hair dye, but seriously, brushing your teeth and putting on some deodorant won’t kill you. The tooth brushing, in fact, may help prevent heart disease, so you can continue annoying people, lo, with your very darkness, for years to come. You’re welcome. Come back sometime. We’ll talk about eyeliner and its proper application. And then we can talk about how you’re trying much too hard to be ‘spooky’ and your strict conformity to non-conformity. Whoa man, like, the establishment is freaked out by your dark nature. But mostly your lack of deodorant.

I got to hear only a few songs before I had to leave to go home. I don’t really feel that I got my money’s worth because I didn’t get to see the show I paid to see. I should have stayed at Po Dog and continued to eat fried pickles until I exploded; at least that would have been satisfying. In MY day, if we didn’t like the music the bard was playing, we would have stoned him outside in yon courtyard and ’twas a better place for it.

30 Comments A rant that could only have been written by someone old and unhip.

  1. scearley August 19, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    It’s a MyLodica and is pitched an octave higher than the normal Melodica keyboard. And costs a mere $350.

    And “normal” Melodicas were made famous by The Hooters.

    1. admin August 19, 2010 at 8:56 pm

      What a steal! But if I’m going to have a weirdo instrument hanging around for no discernable purpose, it’s going to be a theremin.

  2. badrobot68 August 19, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    I almost never go to shows any more. I was at a Crocodile Cafe show once where the headliner went onstage at 12:45am and I had to leave at 1. I was livid.

    1. admin August 19, 2010 at 9:19 pm

      Ugh, I would be livid, too.

      1. badrobot68 August 19, 2010 at 11:10 pm

        And they added an unannounced (2nd) opening band, which did not even start until 10. I don’t care if its a Saturday night, some of us work weekends!

        1. admin August 19, 2010 at 11:14 pm

          I hate to rail against opening bands, I understand that’s how they get exposure and enough of a following to be headliners, and in fact an opening act I saw once has turned out to be one of my favorite musicians of all time, but why not keep it to ONE opener?

          1. badrobot68 August 19, 2010 at 11:18 pm

            I totally agree! If its more than one, I don’t have the energy to just stand there for hours. I AM OLD!

          2. admin August 19, 2010 at 11:26 pm

            And with being OLD, I have more expendable income for things like shows. CATER TO ME!

          3. badrobot68 August 19, 2010 at 11:31 pm

            I like all ages shows, because I know I will be home by midnight!

          4. admin August 19, 2010 at 11:26 pm

            Fifteen year olds are not buying twelve dollar and fifty cent vodka tonics, BUT I AM.

  3. bork August 19, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    I love this post.

    If it’s any consolation, it could have been a local metal show, where the crowd they don’t bathe, brush their teeth, AND are spilling beer on you while trying to adjust their leather shoulder armor pieces. Because it’s not a metal show unless you look like you’re prepared to pillage Fife afterwards.

    1. admin August 19, 2010 at 10:09 pm

      HAHAHA! Plus, I would imagine that after a hard night of pillaging and raping, the metalheads would like a little something to go with their cocoa.

    2. mschilepepper August 20, 2010 at 9:00 pm

      Thank you. I’m going to borrow the phrase “preparing to pillage Fife” and use it liberally from now on.

  4. lightningflash August 19, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    OMG I had a similar experience – I bussed up with a friend when I was still living in Tacoma, for a Duncan Sheik concert. Waited outside for an hour and a half, got in and found he wasn’t playing until 11:30ish would have then had to bus back to Tacoma (sometime around 2), bus within Tacoma to get home, just to take a shower, redress, and get back on 3 different busses to get to work. FUCK THAT NOISE.

    So I left my friends there (they didn’t have jobs, jerks), got on a bus going the WRONG direction, had to turn around and bus back, wait for a bus to Tacoma which arrived promptly 30 sec after the previous bus (to home) had taken off and wouldn’t be back for an hour. I seriuosly hated life just about then, and not only did I not see the performer (who I was kind of meh on to begin with, but my friend was all apeshit), I had no food, and no sleep, and AAAAAH.

    Moral of my story: WTF with headliners starting at 11 on weeknights? PEOPLE HAVE JOBS.

    1. admin August 20, 2010 at 5:39 pm

      I wanted to shout in the middle of the theater “I HAVE RESERVATIONS!!!!!!!!” and then storm out.

  5. nihil_duce August 20, 2010 at 2:30 am

    I was there too. Apparently I mercifully missed the first opener, the jury in my head is still out on whether I liked the second act or just want to duct tape her mouth and yeah, Melora was too far back.

    1. admin August 20, 2010 at 5:40 pm

      I could have liked her a lot, but the banter between songs KILLED it for me.

      1. nihil_duce August 20, 2010 at 5:45 pm

        Her voice annoyed the hell outta me a few times.

        1. admin August 20, 2010 at 9:10 pm

          Let me guess: Alien cat song? That one made me want to stuff things in my ears AND her mouth.

          1. nihil_duce August 21, 2010 at 1:16 pm

            That one and the first song. It’s been decreed that rainbows can no longer be sang about.

  6. madamecacoon August 20, 2010 at 5:54 am

    They pulled that crap with the Presidents of the USA at the showbox a few months ago. I might have been delusional from the pain I was in from standing in line for way past my maximum standing capacity, but I think there might have been three openers. Even if there were just two, the second one kept playing crappy movies they’d made.

    The Presidents didn’t get on stage until well after 11 and I was in agony for a week and a half from all the standing and sitting in the uncomfortable chair, from which I couldn’t see shit.

    Lessons I learned: Don’t go to club shows with big headliners. If I do go to a club show, pull the gimp card to get priority seating and bring comfy pillows.

    Sucks you couldn’t stay to see them. I was going to say I was jealous you were going but looks like I’m actually not. Chris has convinced me to never see a show at Neumos, if for no other reason than their sound people suck. He saw Muse there a few years back and the bass was completely out on the song where the bassline is the most important part of the whole thing, and the sound tech was nowhere to be seen. I’m not surprised they still had the music on when Rasputina got onstage.

    1. admin August 20, 2010 at 5:41 pm

      I can’t boycott Neumos, unfortunately, because it seems like they book 90% of the acts I want to see.

      1. madamecacoon August 20, 2010 at 6:18 pm

        That’s too bad. Luckily Paramount gets most of the ones I want, and they have comfortable squishy seats.

        1. admin August 20, 2010 at 9:09 pm

          I’m going to see the flaming lips there and I am SO EXCITED I COULD PLOTZ.

  7. thecostumegal August 20, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    You just said the magic words. CUCUMBER ASPLOSIONS D:

    1. admin August 20, 2010 at 9:08 pm

      It doesn’t take much to make me happy. Peppery, garlicky, hot fried pickles will do it. NOMNOMNOM

      1. thecostumegal August 20, 2010 at 9:55 pm


        Right now I am on a cucumber salad kick. Cucumber slices, white vinegar, and dill. OMNOMNOM

        Not as spicy but still dericious.

        1. admin August 20, 2010 at 10:24 pm


          posted a recipe for buttermilk cucumbers and they are AWESOME.

          Take 2 cucumbers, and peel stripes in them. Slice them thin. Put them in a large bowl and cover with water. Stir in 1 Tbsp of salt.

          Cover this and refrigerate overnight.

          The next day, drain the water off the cucumbers.

          Mix together 1/2 cup of milk with 2 Tbsp of vinegar. Pour this over the cucumbers.

          The longer this sits in the fridge, the better it tastes!

          1. thecostumegal August 20, 2010 at 10:27 pm

            Sounds dericious D:

            I r lactose intolerant. It bloooooooooooows.

  8. hallucinas August 21, 2010 at 6:24 am

    It is weird that Larkin Grimm is touring with Rasputina, my friend John tours a lot with her.

    I am sad I missed the show here but actually not because the venue is a real shithole. The older I get the more picky I am, and the more picky I am, the less I go out to see bands.

    I think I’ve done my share of all that. Jesus, I AM old.

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