Recently, Nicki sent me a link to dress your wedding, and this picture:
“See that one on the left with short black hair?” she intimated. “That’s you.” I was thrown off for a few moments, because (a)hadn’t I already announced ‘No More Weddings’? and (b)was there something that she’d been neglecting to tell me? The answers to these questions were: too damn bad, and no, respectively; she was bored and was having fun playing with this.
Well, I am not one to be outdone. So I quickly whipped up some Goth Prom action. “See that one with the short brown hair? That’s you!” I crowed.
“Who’s the ring bearer?” Nicki wanted to know. “That’s not really a ring bearer in the strictest sense…it’s a midget. Gidget ‘Pepito’ the Midget.” We joked about it for a while longer, and then yesterday, she sent me a message saying that her friend liked my midget, and a link to the picture of HER wedding plans. “You know why this is so much fun right? All it is, is Barbies for big girls.”
I was never a kid that played with Barbies normally. They pretty much lived in a Barbie nudist colony and had tiny plastic orgies and then settled down to live in shoebox trailers and raise their bastard children dressed in scraps of t-shirts while chainsmoking. All this time, I had Britney Spears Barbie and didn’t even realize it! So if I was going to play dress-up with this thing, I was bound and determined to do it RIGHT and make it look like it would actually look, should I ever get married:
Now THAT is more like it. Not pictured here is Fat Elvis, our minister.
I had so much fun with this, I think the rest of you should do it, too. Take the tools the internet has so handily given to us and abuse them horribly. Create the greatest monstrosity known to man. Create the funniest thing you can think of. If you want the bridal party to be like the spectrum of the rainbow, go for it. If the given tools aren’t enough because you want everyone in candy pink standing in a post-apocalyptic underworld, screencap it and stick it in photoshop or paint or whatever you’ve got handy and go nuts. Just make sure to post it here, because I want to see it. Oh, how I want to see it.