In retrospect, starting a very strict diet during the week when my ovaries are screaming “EAAAAAAAAAT BECAUSE YOU COULD BE HAVING A BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY SOON!!!” was an unwise decision.
I would also like to take a moment to announce that if any of my friends were hoping to have me as a bridesmaid at their wedding, you are pre-emptively DENIED. Life is too short to spend three-month stints at a time eating cabbage soup. DENIED!